Emotion (Part 1)

I can't stop the tears this time. They just keep on falling... falling... Forever more. The sobs shake my whole body. Shake my heart. I moan and cry out. The memories wont stop. All so painful... so painful. My head hurts. My heart is ripping in two. It hurts... oh God it hurts. All the while the tears don't stop running, don't stop falling. I'm shaking and sobbing. Out loud. The pain is horrendous. I want out. I want out. My hair is sticking to my face, clinging to the tears. I'm muffling my sobs, scared that someone would hear me and try and sympathize. They wont understand, they don’t understand. Even I don't understand it. Everything is too much. Everything. My vision is blurred from tears. They keep filling my eyes. I calm myself down a little. Seeking comfort from my pillow. I get up and walk around, breathing deeply but catch sight of myself in the mirror. My face is puffy and red. My eyes swollen, bloodshot, brimming with tears. My face is wet from crying. I take one look, one look then start to sob again. I want to scream, scream so hard that my voice cracks. But I can't. Someone will hear me. I sink back onto my bed, eyes closed. I have my pillow rammed into my mouth to stop the sobs erupting from my lips. Tears fall. They wont stop. I vaguely remember reading somewhere that you can't cry more then 17 tears in one day. I think that I have cried much more then that. The sobs are still shaking my body. My breathing is ragged, uneven. It isn't in my power to do anything. I roll onto my side and curl into a ball. I spread my duvet on top of me then I pull it up over my head. I feel safer. It's dark and stuffy. But I draw comfort from the darkness. I'm still trembling, still making myself not cry out with the force of the pain. I still have tears rolling down my cheeks. But I’m under the covers. It sooths the memories slightly. I'm not thinking straight anymore. I don't want to think straight. The last tear squeezes out of my eye. I know it is the last tear because I will make it so. My heart is ripping in two, my blood is pounding in my ears, my face is wet with streaks of salty tears. I fall into a deep sleep. Troubled with nightmares.

Author's Note

What a horrible day that was.... But I wrote it all down and now here it is... an emotion. :)