So Often I Try

So Often I Try

A Poem by H L Rose
"

Hiaku poetry... sorta... I think I break a bunch of rules with this one. But rules are for breaking.

"
I could never ask 
The ocean to uphold me, 
So often I sink 

I could never ask 
The mountain to carry me, 
So often I fall 

I could never ask 
The air to come breath for me, 
So often I choke 

I could never ask 
A broke world to fulfill me, 
So often I try 

© 2019 H L Rose


Author's Note

H L Rose
All critiques welcome! Hiakus aren’t suppose to have titles, and from what I’ve read hiakus are suppose to be quite literal, so this is probably too metaphorical. I also don’t think it is very popular to have more than two hiaku stanzas as one poem. But the form worked for what I wanted to write, soooo

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Reviews

I wouldn't worry too much over the format - because - the content is exquisite! Loved the words, movement and flow - nice write! :-)

Posted 3 Years Ago


H L Rose

3 Years Ago

Thanks 😆
This poem is wonderful - as far as I know, it would do better as a Senryu (which has basically the same syllable rules as haiku, but is more emotional), but especially the form fits the function of the same behaviour patterns over and over again. I really enjoyed reading this, especially because it's quite original.

Posted 3 Years Ago


H L Rose

3 Years Ago

Thank you! I’ll look into the Senryu. I’m glad you think it’s original!
I really enjoyed this! It felt like you put most of our (at least my) ever day struggles into something that made sense, and wasn't over explained. Your words spoke volumes and were so relatable. I felt like someone else in the world was struggling too, and it wasn't just me. Thanks for writing!

Posted 3 Years Ago


H L Rose

3 Years Ago

Thank you! I’m so glad. I couldn’t ask for more from my writing.
This spoke to me like a reminder that you can be more than adequate the way you are.
Beautiful poem!

Posted 3 Years Ago


H L Rose

3 Years Ago

Thank you!
H L Rose

3 Years Ago

Sorry. I just noticed how freaking spot on your take of this poem was. Just wanted to let you know t.. read more
Hi Hanna How we all just press on never requesting help through the trials of life> Not oceans or mountains
The little old lady in the supermarket; looking at goods out of reach on the high shelves and so grateful when you lift then down for her

Posted 3 Years Ago


H L Rose

3 Years Ago

So true. Thank you for reading!
Simple, yet beautiful.

I like the "rule-breaking" that you did with the haiku ;-) It worked nicely. And hey, you kept to the traditional nature-based haiku!

Yari

Posted 3 Years Ago


H L Rose

3 Years Ago

Thank you! And yea I was hoping the traditional nature-base would redeem me.
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It seems we all have some of these struggles at times. Very creative!

Posted 3 Years Ago


H L Rose

3 Years Ago

Thank you!
.

3 Years Ago

Your welcome!
I like this, It gives me a sense of control.

Posted 3 Years Ago


H L Rose

3 Years Ago

I’m really glad you think so! That’s definitely an included sentiment that this poem ponders.
Wow! Very powerful. Speaks volumes of the folly of trying to do everything on your own and not asking for help when its needed. I love how it manages to be simple, but still carries a punch. Thanks for sharing!

Posted 3 Years Ago


H L Rose

3 Years Ago

Thank you! So true, and the only time we do ask for help, always seems to be from the wrong things. .. read more
It's a lovely poem. I love the truthfulness in the concrete imagery.

WELL DONE

Posted 3 Years Ago


H L Rose

3 Years Ago

Thank you! I’m glad you like the imagery!

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Added on February 27, 2018
Last Updated on February 11, 2019
Tags: Poetry, haiku

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H L Rose
H L Rose

Who knows , 🤷‍♀️



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