Wings

Wings

A Poem by H L Rose

When knees sink low, 
I know 
It’s not my lack of wings 
that ground me. 

I've long flown 
from loud voices 
made of nothing. 

When chests beat slow, 
I know 
It's not my lack of heart 
that fails me. 

I've long fought 
paper pages, 
soul unfleeting. 

When voices go, 
I know 
It's not my lack of song 
that mutes me. 

I've long found 
a strong voice locked 
in silence. 

With no answers, left 
in shadow, 
I know not what is right. 

But with His wings, will, words 
in battle, 
this is how I fight. 

© 2019 H L Rose


Author's Note

H L Rose
All critiques and thoughts appreciated.

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Featured Review

The only critique I have about this is the 'When _ (O-rhyme)" lines should have their nouns pluralized (just like is stanza 1).....sounds better: "when knees sink low"; "when chests beat slow"; "when voices go". Also, minor factor - I feel the "blood" in the last stanza is a tad over-the-top compared to "wings" and "words", and that kind of presence takes away from the brilliance of the poem as a whole. I can't think at the top of my head of a better word to replace it, but I just know "blood" is too heavy and out-of-place (there's not really an antecedent or reason for its presence in the poem).

But everything else is poetic perfection!! Well freaking done!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

emipoemi

1 Year Ago

Nothing is cliché if it blends in well with the rest of the piece. "blood" simply called way way to.. read more
H L Rose

1 Year Ago

I wasn’t necessarily wanting it read as obviously as staccato, just more stressed. I tried focusin.. read more
emipoemi

1 Year Ago

my pleasure.



Reviews

I get the feeling you are saying "lack of wings" (or heart, or song) is not what causes us to stumble, but the lack of God in our lives does. I love the way you do NOT actually say this & you let the reader come to his/her own conclusions, if inclined to read between the lines. But if not inclined as you & your message are, this message is also nicely thought-provoking just as a bit of life philosophy too. Your writing is very original (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

1 Year Ago

Thank you! I 'm glad you get the point and don't think I overstate it. "Original" is such a fantasti.. read more
I'm not religious person but I liked the poem,I liked the simplicity of words and flow in general

Posted 1 Year Ago


H L Rose

1 Year Ago

I’m glad you could enjoy it!
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Gee
Ah, faith. Unlike the States it seems many of us home grown Brita are faithless never attending Church and not in need of knowing a reason for us being here, if that makes sense. I personally have never felt the need to pray as my mother is my maker and all that I have achieved, gained, through life has taken 57 years of graft. I blame nobody, or anything for the bad and therefore give thanks to nobody or anything for the good. I take the rough with the smmoth, good with the bad, try to enjoy every day on this wonderful planet as life is far to fleeting.
Babbling done, I enjoyed very much your writing :))
Good morning.


This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
H L Rose

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much for reading!
I only spent a short time in Scotland and only met a few broth.. read more
oh very deep and aspiring! i love the wings metaphor :) this is very strong in your message. i feel there is something spiritual to this. you definitly have a gift for writing! nice work!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


H L Rose

1 Year Ago

Those are interesting lyrics! They remind me of that David Crowder song "Forgiven".
Thank yo.. read more
H L Rose

1 Year Ago

wait, just one more thing, I promise! Does either of the words "spirit" or "will" sound good to you .. read more
Sarah_Allen

1 Year Ago

youre welcome!
The only critique I have about this is the 'When _ (O-rhyme)" lines should have their nouns pluralized (just like is stanza 1).....sounds better: "when knees sink low"; "when chests beat slow"; "when voices go". Also, minor factor - I feel the "blood" in the last stanza is a tad over-the-top compared to "wings" and "words", and that kind of presence takes away from the brilliance of the poem as a whole. I can't think at the top of my head of a better word to replace it, but I just know "blood" is too heavy and out-of-place (there's not really an antecedent or reason for its presence in the poem).

But everything else is poetic perfection!! Well freaking done!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

emipoemi

1 Year Ago

Nothing is cliché if it blends in well with the rest of the piece. "blood" simply called way way to.. read more
H L Rose

1 Year Ago

I wasn’t necessarily wanting it read as obviously as staccato, just more stressed. I tried focusin.. read more
emipoemi

1 Year Ago

my pleasure.
Your stanza:
I've long found
a strong voice locked
in silence.

I enjoy your wording through your poem. Especially the stanza above. I constantly struggle voicing my thoughts to others, as I don’t want to hurt others’ feelings. Even if it’s how I truly feel. Thank you. Enjoyed the poem. Great job!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


H L Rose

1 Year Ago

Thank you! I’m glad you could connect. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
When you have no answers you turn to your faith for sustenance, that is the understanding I am getting from your lines. I liked the composition and the internal rhyme. Good job done. Will have to read more of you.

Chris

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 1 Year Ago


H L Rose

1 Year Ago

Thank you so much! Yea your understanding is a lot like my intent. I’m glad you like the rhymes an.. read more

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Added on November 9, 2018
Last Updated on February 11, 2019
Tags: Poetry

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H L Rose
H L Rose

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I aspire to be all that he’s created me to be! 9 Rules on How Not to Be a Gooey Chocolate Chip Cookie 1.) Stick together. If you don’t you’ll fall apart...in a sticky, chocolat.. more..

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