Wings

Wings

A Poem by H L Rose

When knees sink low, 
I know 
It’s not my lack of wings 
that ground me. 

I've long flown 
from loud voices 
made of nothing. 

When chests beat slow, 
I know 
It's not my lack of heart 
that fails me. 

I've long fought 
paper pages, 
soul unfleeting. 

When voices go, 
I know 
It's not my lack of song 
that mutes me. 

I've long found 
a strong voice locked 
in silence. 

With no answers, left 
in shadow, 
I know not what is right. 

But with His wings, will, words 
in battle, 
this is how I fight. 

© 2019 H L Rose


Author's Note

H L Rose
All critiques and thoughts appreciated.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

The only critique I have about this is the 'When _ (O-rhyme)" lines should have their nouns pluralized (just like is stanza 1).....sounds better: "when knees sink low"; "when chests beat slow"; "when voices go". Also, minor factor - I feel the "blood" in the last stanza is a tad over-the-top compared to "wings" and "words", and that kind of presence takes away from the brilliance of the poem as a whole. I can't think at the top of my head of a better word to replace it, but I just know "blood" is too heavy and out-of-place (there's not really an antecedent or reason for its presence in the poem).

But everything else is poetic perfection!! Well freaking done!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

emipoemi

11 Months Ago

Nothing is cliché if it blends in well with the rest of the piece. "blood" simply called way way to.. read more
H L Rose

11 Months Ago

I wasn’t necessarily wanting it read as obviously as staccato, just more stressed. I tried focusin.. read more
emipoemi

11 Months Ago

my pleasure.



Reviews

I get the feeling you are saying "lack of wings" (or heart, or song) is not what causes us to stumble, but the lack of God in our lives does. I love the way you do NOT actually say this & you let the reader come to his/her own conclusions, if inclined to read between the lines. But if not inclined as you & your message are, this message is also nicely thought-provoking just as a bit of life philosophy too. Your writing is very original (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

H L Rose

9 Months Ago

Thank you! I 'm glad you get the point and don't think I overstate it. "Original" is such a fantasti.. read more
I'm not religious person but I liked the poem,I liked the simplicity of words and flow in general

Posted 10 Months Ago


H L Rose

10 Months Ago

I’m glad you could enjoy it!
[send message][befriend] Subscribe
Gee
Ah, faith. Unlike the States it seems many of us home grown Brita are faithless never attending Church and not in need of knowing a reason for us being here, if that makes sense. I personally have never felt the need to pray as my mother is my maker and all that I have achieved, gained, through life has taken 57 years of graft. I blame nobody, or anything for the bad and therefore give thanks to nobody or anything for the good. I take the rough with the smmoth, good with the bad, try to enjoy every day on this wonderful planet as life is far to fleeting.
Babbling done, I enjoyed very much your writing :))
Good morning.


This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 10 Months Ago


This comment has been deleted by the poster.
H L Rose

10 Months Ago

Thank you so much for reading!
I only spent a short time in Scotland and only met a few broth.. read more
oh very deep and aspiring! i love the wings metaphor :) this is very strong in your message. i feel there is something spiritual to this. you definitly have a gift for writing! nice work!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Months Ago


H L Rose

11 Months Ago

Those are interesting lyrics! They remind me of that David Crowder song "Forgiven".
Thank yo.. read more
H L Rose

11 Months Ago

wait, just one more thing, I promise! Does either of the words "spirit" or "will" sound good to you .. read more
Sarah_Allen

11 Months Ago

youre welcome!
The only critique I have about this is the 'When _ (O-rhyme)" lines should have their nouns pluralized (just like is stanza 1).....sounds better: "when knees sink low"; "when chests beat slow"; "when voices go". Also, minor factor - I feel the "blood" in the last stanza is a tad over-the-top compared to "wings" and "words", and that kind of presence takes away from the brilliance of the poem as a whole. I can't think at the top of my head of a better word to replace it, but I just know "blood" is too heavy and out-of-place (there's not really an antecedent or reason for its presence in the poem).

But everything else is poetic perfection!! Well freaking done!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

emipoemi

11 Months Ago

Nothing is cliché if it blends in well with the rest of the piece. "blood" simply called way way to.. read more
H L Rose

11 Months Ago

I wasn’t necessarily wanting it read as obviously as staccato, just more stressed. I tried focusin.. read more
emipoemi

11 Months Ago

my pleasure.
Your stanza:
I've long found
a strong voice locked
in silence.

I enjoy your wording through your poem. Especially the stanza above. I constantly struggle voicing my thoughts to others, as I don’t want to hurt others’ feelings. Even if it’s how I truly feel. Thank you. Enjoyed the poem. Great job!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Months Ago


H L Rose

11 Months Ago

Thank you! I’m glad you could connect. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
When you have no answers you turn to your faith for sustenance, that is the understanding I am getting from your lines. I liked the composition and the internal rhyme. Good job done. Will have to read more of you.

Chris

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 11 Months Ago


H L Rose

11 Months Ago

Thank you so much! Yea your understanding is a lot like my intent. I’m glad you like the rhymes an.. read more

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe

Advertise Here
Want to advertise here? Get started for as little as $5

Stats

158 Views
7 Reviews
Rating
Added on November 9, 2018
Last Updated on February 11, 2019
Tags: Poetry

Author

H L Rose
H L Rose

Who knows , 🤷‍♀️



About
I aspire to be all that he’s created me to be! 9 Rules on How Not to Be a Gooey Chocolate Chip Cookie 1.) Stick together. If you don’t you’ll fall apart...in a sticky, chocolat.. more..

Writing
For Voting For Voting

A Poem by H L Rose



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..