Reflections on love

Some thoughts I wrote down when thinking over a crush I had for a woman I'll never truly know.

I think I understand what it means to be in love. It may have been a crush, a momentary crush but it was a wonderful feeling.

It started small at first, when I first saw this person. It grew brighter when she was nice to me, very nice. I knew that we were at a party and everyone was being cordial and social and such, but this was something I just wasn’t used to. I wasn’t used to parties with people I could talk to and who accepted me for who I was. But in these times, I felt what it meant to feel comfortable in a crowd.

Like a lit fuse, this feeling didn’t hit until I let it sit for a long time. I went about my days as normal until, without warning, the feeling blossomed inside. So many thoughts raced through my head, filling my skull with imagined realities and scenarios that my overactive imagination couldn’t suppress. They were all fleeting of course, just half-finished stories that appeared before disappearing when logic and reality reasserted themselves.

I was not used to this. I couldn’t make sense of it at first. I haven’t been successful romantically, primarily because I choose not to search. I don’t search because I don’t know what to do or what is right. I don’t want to hurt someone by accident, and I don’t want to fall into the same behaviors so many men seem to fall into. The fear of knowing someone too intimately also keeps me from attempting anything.

So why does this feeling still stick when I think of this one person, despite my hesitance to ever date? Why do I feel this way when this person is thousands of miles away and is living a life entirely removed from myself?

 

 But over time, I’ve realized how much I love the feeling. Not the person, for I don’t know this person. But how it makes me feel. I think it’s the affection or companionship of someone beautiful in mind and soul. I want to feel that feeling again. And I do, sometimes. I find it in songs and in things I like.

The feeling of falling in love. Momentary, but profound. A blissful, beautiful experience that may not be real, but it is true.

Author's Note

General thoughts welcome.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

The speaker here comes across as an introverted, sensitive person. A certain lack of confidence and a dread of hurting and being hurt may also be present. Apparently there have been chances to branch out socially, but these were not pursued. Still, the memory of one woman met at a party persists, though he admits he knows little about the woman, who lives far away. I get the feeling he will remain satisfied with the feeling she gave him, forgoing any future chances at romance. It is sad to read, for fantasies, however pleasant, remain only fantasies. We must act, for time is not sentimental.

[Chris Shaw]

I think many will relate to that feeling. When those hormones turn your living upside down in the nicest way possible. Those romantic thoughts are ace. Crush or not. I enjoyed my visit here. Thank you. When the heart rules the head.

Chris