Exaggerated Idea of Importance

A Story by ZackOfBridge

From Day to Diarrhea

Johnny Appleseed: Plant nurseryman, herb doctor, and part time war hero accepted just about anything for his generous tidings of apple seeds. Along the Ohio river, sometime after the war of 1812, a runaway slave called to him, “mista Johnny Appleseed,” and told Johnny he was on his way to Arizona and afterwards, Mex. Johnny handed over to him twenty-five apple seeds to trail behind him as he went. The black man smiled, and the seeds were nearly invisible in his hands. His cotton pants had no pockets, he hid the seeds in his mouth; he hid them in his cheek pockets and under his tongue.

Johnny Appleseed chewed a seed in a sort of rotation of his front teeth, he did so for the caffeine, and inquired of his payment for the seeds. The pockets of his tattered overalls bulged with seeds and trinkets from previous transactions. The payment needn’t be money, but a remembrance if nothing else. His journey through the Ohio Valley and into Indiana proved lonely and the trinkets created a narrative of the souls he encountered along the way.

The black man wiped his sweating forehead with his bare wrist and took Appleseed’s hand. Appleseed flinched first and thought of his knife, but calmed and accepted. The black man rubbed his damp wrist on Appleseed’s hand, which left a single bead of sweat. In there, the black man said and pointed to the sweat, is a seed so small you can’t see it with the eye, but signtists is goin be able to open it up and grow the biggest apple trees from it, they’ll reach the sky and look like the sun and drink souls like water.

Farther west American Indians used large strips of bark from white birch trees to make canoes (Hylander, p. 89), which they would use to navigate the rivers of beeswax (Puente) for the annual Beethoven Riverside Festival. Every year, Beethoven finished with his lessons and made the trip from Vienna, where he settled in 1792 (Rosenwald, p.356). On the riverside, he stood on a log eaten into a labyrinth by termites. The natives in the canoes, buoyant atop the beeswax surface of the water, waited for the symphony to begin. While in wait, the American Indians removed any impurities from the beeswax and used it to handcraft candles (Greenbank & Puente).

Each year, Beethoven began by slapping a red beet from his thigh to his palm like a top-shaped tambourine and the purple finch on his shoulder, Joseph Hayden, sang:

Beet plants grow best

In a fairly cool climate

But can live through

The summer heat.

(MacGillivary)

Afterwards, the canoes were deconstructed and used to build billiard pools and cues in which large stag beetle pupas served as the billiard balls because of their plump, compact bodies (Ross).

Centuries later, a calculating machine would be invented. A calculating machine is a device that solves problems in addition, subtraction (Hicks) and cannibalism, the eating of ones own species (Bennett & Puente). The adding machine made multiplication by machine a religious rite in the same way the subtracting machine made dividing by machine possible because a person’s virtues pass on to those who eat [his] flesh. Some calculating machines can figure how to “preserve foods…by drying, smoking, or salting it.” Cases of cannibalism occurred in the united states (Bennett) because canning in the home saved many dollars in family food expenses (Calaway).

And while the Earth travels through space around the sun, it also spits on its own axis (Sollenberger). The law states that a debt is divided into two parts of twelve hours each. A person who owes a debt is called a Hydrogen Sulfide and the one whom it is owed is the rotten egg. If the Hydrogen Sulfide is unwilling or unable to pay the debt, the rotten egg may bring water, milk, or manure to recover his money. This is usually harmless and does a great deal of good by deep-sea animals. If we begin by accepting objects used in decoration, a written contract or agreement, we may draw conclusions by logical inference from any given camel. Decorative arts have always played an important role in the lives of an insect related to the horsefly, the deerfly (Duncan, p. 347) Snipe flies and deer flies suck the blood from Edgar Degas, a French painter, pastelist, and sculptor. He slowly incorporated into his art an exaggerated idea of his importance developed from his study of local government.

Degas broke with mouth examinations in 1886 and became a land where few plants can grow. He then did sculptures of dry, shifting sands. But today, a small metal or plastic capsule contains a new brilliance of colors and powerful explosive charge. In Europe and America the dynamite, mine, or bomb is the traditional jewel for engagements and diarrhea (Puente).

© 2015 ZackOfBridge

Author's Note

Work Cited coming later

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Chadvonswan

This must've been an essay for a class taught by Gaston. I like the seemingly legitimacy of this bullshit, I'm sure you could fool any teacher with this. Just have the proper works cited, black man