Thoughts

A Story by Shan

A mad piece of writing from inside your mind.

You're afraid.
Worried.
Alone, sad and tired.
The thoughts cling to you like a desperate crying child to its worn out mother.
They don't leave, they scream. Only, they're really just whispers. Or are they?
A very small sound at first, only a suggestion, that's easily distracted by the beat of the music and stress of work. It goes.
It grows. It grows and grows like a tumor. Screaming to be heard, be seen. It poisons your body, not only your mind.
Mind. What mind?
It's a slow killer. Oh! How it enjoys sucking the sweet life out of you! Nibbling on the pain, chewing on the hate. Killing, slowly, painfully. Delicious.
The whispers become screams, invade your dreams. Oh how they shout! Glorious! You make scenarios, worst case with a drop of best case scenarios.
As the tumor grows, your body twitches, weakens. You seek outside help.
Who do you tell?
Nobody.
They won't understand. Won't listen.
Tobacco. Yes, breathe it in,breathe the calm in. It fills your lungs, travels through your blood and calms your brain. Wait, no. No. No! Need it again and again and again. Not enough.
Alcohol. Oh yes, the good stuff. It burns through, calming you till your brain shuts down. Perfect. Yet, not enough. No!
Drugs, yes oh beautiful stuff. So calming, sugar-coated, -candy-dipped heavenly thoughts.
The darkness grows.
No!
The tumor grows.
NO!
The blade. Oh the sweetness of the smooth silver blade, see the beauty. Such a loyal friend! It'll only be a sting, it whispers. It's worth it, it says. Only a little cut, go on.
Can you feel it?
The blood escaping. The poisoned blood, tainted. Yes you're tainted, no good, disgusting, a total disgrace. Try again, clease yourself.
Cut. Cut. Cut.
Let it all drain. Then you'll be pure. Pure!
The more you cut the better it gets.
The voices go away.
Silence.
The thoughts leave.
Bliss.
Peace.
Sleep.
Wake up! Wake up! They scream, scream. No time for such impossible dreams. They're loud, they're angry. I'm sorry.
They're winning.
Only one way to escape.
Repeat it all again.