Unreachable

I

Frail and fading in a foreign land;
I've never felt at home here.
I've only been here all of my life,
And now it's a part of me.
In this godless land with godless graces,
I am what the shadows make of me,
Through whim and through chance,
Molded by spider hands.
With every gesture and glance
I betray an unspeakable darkness,
The consequences of my existence.
Now I am home here.
Now it breathes through me, this darkness.
Now I am truly lost.

II

Look at us,
Walking around
Like jagged puzzle pieces that don't fit anywhere,
Our restlessness carved into our faces,
Our careworn faces,
With eyes honest and eager,
Eager for more lies, suffering, and futility,
Sparkling eyes with distorted knife-like glares
Nestled in black, hollowed out eye sockets.

III

I bleed and I sigh.
I sigh and I curse.
I reach for the unreachable.
The walls are closing in,
And I get a taste of the bitter insignificance
Of it all.
Nobody cares anymore.
Nobody cares,
And How long will I care?

IV

Back then you were the twig that I held onto
When I was drowning
In misery and regret.
When you broke I then realized
That I really needed a tree.

If this is humanity
Then I would sooner embrace silence,
Or even deaf and blunt objects,
But better the sky and the savage seas
Driven into a frenzy by the mysteries of the moon,
And the capricious winds,
Or give me the carved rocks of the valley,
Scattered about like bits of feed sowed by titans
Under a star drenched sky.

V

The convalescent on the hill
Was turned away yesterday.
Many will be turned away today,
Fended off like stray dogs, unwanted.
Only the chosen few are left alone.
These people wait and observe.
They will have stories to tell to their ungrateful offspring
And captious wives.
Then they will shout their stories and burdens
To whoever will listen,
Clawing at their breasts as though
To tear out their sternum
To better access their vocal chords and strangle
Their kin and loved ones with their message.
For some it proves too much to keep inside,
And they either hold it all in until they snap,
Or run around from the start like
Plague victims escaped from the ward.

Why would anyone want to come to this place
And witness these things?
It's an indelible enigma.
We know that life is harmful to us,
And yet we try reassure ourselves somehow, 
Even while diving into every abyss,
With a body grown old and patiently dying,
And a heart and soul with not but bits of pavement
And artificial light to take root and grown in.

VI

To forsake it all and renounce so easily,
So tenderly,
The knife that kills cleanly;
It has no other purpose.
In this place we have no other purpose
But to accept defeat and death gracefully,

The crisp rustle of leaves scraping the pavement,
gracefully...
Walking, not running,
accepting death gracefully...
Not caring.
But reaching all the same
Not even yourself; you're someone else now
Ever on the verge of new destruction
The person staring back at you in the mirror is no longer you
Still reaching...
This is a mad person, silently watching, silently laughing
Your hand shaking with arms extended
Laughing at the madness of this world
At the refuse that is your soul
Unfathomable eyes without life, they've seen so much now,
So much of life without grace, the fruit rotting on the branches,
With no purpose but to reach out for higher things,
For the unreachable,
Forever reaching...