The Immortal

This poem suddenly popped into my head around midnight and I was like WTH?? but then I decided to write it down ^^ in the middle of the night :D

It was a rainy day I still remember
darkness fell upon the sky
when I was born, there was no thunder
but stormy clouds do never lie

Then I was raised, a moving shadow
from smoke I did not differ
when I looked up, it was still raining
when I looked down, a blood red river

Searching for the last star shining
in a gloomy pitch black sky
when everyone around you vanishes
Yes, stormy clouds do never lie

Reviews

[Distant horizons]

Superb. This flows so beautifully. perfectly done. not a word wasted.

[Rockebah]

Let me be honest with you.
The poem is a good poem. I get the whole birth concept however I felt that it should of been better. It is a brilliant topic, you just need to put more emotion into it. Don't hold back and this piece would be as brilliant as the idea behind it.