Autumn

Another poem I wrote in 8th grade. I believe this too was a 5 senses poem. Taste, sound, sight, smell, touch in that order.

Autumn is like a crisp, red apple.

It tastes of turkey and cranberries.

The taste of the freshness of the air,

Lets you know that winter is near.

 

The moan of the wind is a scary thing.

While lightning is cracking and

Thunder is rumbling saying, "Winter is near!"

"Winter is near."

 

The sight of orange and yellow leaves

Dancing in the wind is a wondrous thing.

The trees stand only as white skeletons of what used to be,

While you watch the grass get paler and paler.

 

Autumn smells of cedar trees,

Apple pie, turkey dinner, and candle lit jack-o-lanterns.

The clean air makes you feel as if you are

Upon the Earth when it was only new.

 

When you pick up a freshly cut log

The moisture seeps out.

Then you use bare, dry sticks,

And leaves, that crumble at the touch, to fuel your campfire.

Author's Note

This was written in 8th grade, please forgive the archaic nature of it and please offer suggestions for improvement.

Reviews

[Larissa G.]

This is actually very beautiful because it uses so many senses! While the beginning is a bit obvious because of Thanksgiving (maybe some other foods?) and the end seems to just stop, it seems to make the point about autumn as a season. So other than those two points, you did a very impressive job for an eight grader!

[Rain]

You are kidding. This piece is as good as most adult pieces written of fall. I could see it all..your lines seem way too mature to be written in the eight grade. You blended the holiday with the season beautifully. Rain..

[Wulfstan Crumble]

Your combination of all the senses add new elements to the poem as it progresses. We can roll on new layers with each stanza building a bigger and bigger picture. I can never remember the corresponding ages for the American education system but 8th grade must be young so it shows a great inbuilt talent that you have for writing good poems. As a pagan n haiku writer i loved seeing a poem about nature.

[V. K. Harris]

You were a great writer even then. I love this, as Autum is my favorite time of year, the colors, smells and sounds, to me it speaks of new life to come, Beautifully written.

[Chad Wesley Allbrett]

Sounds like the voice of a kid, but how's that a bad thing? The voice is
just what I like about it.
Kids get to the heart of the matter a lot sooner that most of us.
And the tone nails autumn.

[J]

Very descriptive, made me feel like I was there with you... I found this warm in colour, much like autumn is with her falling golden-red leaves... serene and wistful.

As for improvements? I think S3L3 could be trimmed down a bit more... to be more concise, yet still say the same thing. But that's just my ratty opinion of course.

I enjoyed this trip, thank you =)

[Shadows of Sight]

This was beautiful! The first part made me hungry! yum! the rest i liked alot, it showed how autumn passes into winter!
I enjoyed reading this! Thanks.

[Poeticpiers]

excellent work for an eighth grader very descriptive. Being a formalist I would have preferred a regular rhyme pattern However I am begiining to enjoy free form which is written well and carries a coherent message.I think many of todays adult writers could learn from your presentatio

[Wolfwind Words]

I think that this was a wonderful poem.
It brings back memories from another time and another place, when I was young and living in the hills of Washington.
Great job at the imagery and being able to bring the senses alive for me.

[Melanie Jane Boicourt S..]

Suggestions for improvement? It was written in 8th grade. It is a nice writing and you kindof take a walk down Autumn Lane so to speak. MMM. I now want some pumpkin pie. This is not the time of year to crave Fall. I was just hoping Winter would end.
I am supposed to be craving Easter eggs right now. I guess that I could make a turkey for Easter.
Love All, Mejasha

[Nicholas Hallows]

It definitely does appeal to all the senses. I probably wouldn't change a thing but keep it as a piece for nostalgia. If I looked back at any poetry I wrote then I'd probably have to start from scratch. NH