grieving an unknown identity

my mom

I can not give you what you need

But if you just let me grow,

I can be everything you want.

Be calm and reserved.

Just for you to stay.

Just for you to love me.

I will never speak out against you

I will allow you to destroy your health

If that’s what you want. 

Just don’t hurt me.

Just hold me like you used to. 

I know who you are.

And your motives aren’t foul

But you are selfish.

You knew this wouldn’t end well. 

But it never stopped you

From jeopardizing my life

Just to end yours.

But i won’t let it happen this time.

Just let me grow to become your fantasy

Allow me to heal you like i know i can

I know it’s hard, but I am here. 

I promise.

We are starting over

And I’m not letting you go

Because I will give you what you need

Just let me grow

Please.

I walked through the door

Preparing to meet you

To see what everyone has talked about

In my presence for years

Since I was a child

Confused on who you were to me.

I see your face

Different from any expression 

On the old photos they showed me

You looked like you had been waiting 

Waiting for me. 

I finally felt that feeling I had always searched for.

I felt at home after so long of being an orphan.

As you you held out your arms

I almost wanted to cry

But there are no tears when I’m home.

Only me and you.