letters to all i know

i don't even know if i im being honest

To my parents

A few nights ago, I decided to walk outside as it was dark. It was very peaceful and the cool air lingered. This type of weather is perfect, but it rarely ever comes to us. Usually, it’s either freezing or disgustingly humid. But today, this weather compelled me tos it down and just enjoy it for a while. While sitting there, I thought long and hard about everything I have right now. I’m doing well in school, my family just came home and we’re all together, the seasons are changing, and we are beyond blessed in every way. We have three beautiful dogs that bring me so much joy, seriously. They make me very happy just by seeing them. I have two sisters that in another world, I would’ve never gotten the honor to meet. That sounds very sappy, but I mean it. Abby and Annabelle have grown to become my absolute best friends. 

Next, I have you guys. I seriously admire how well you guys have done as our parents, as I know it’s hard, and not specifically me, but I definitely can be annoying, difficult, disrespectful at times. I’m not apologizing; That’s not the point of this letter. I am saying this because I knew that if I were in yalls shoes, I wouldn’t be able to have done as good of a job as you two. As I stood outside, I looked at the light coming in from our home, hearing the dogs bark and the tv playing in the living room. This will sound very dramatic, but I never pictured living somewhere as home-y when I was younger. Along with how most of my life is, I never expected my life to be this good before. I’ll be honest, I thought very negatively about my future when I was younger because of what had happened and what I thought “was bound to happen”, but looking at everything in my path really opened my eyes to how blessed we are. 

For whatever reason I had, I had been having problems with my faith for a while. I remember explaining to you guys only two months ago that I just didn’t really care to think about religion. For the first time since then, and probably in a year, I sat there and actually talked to God. I thanked him for what he’s done for us, and how he gave me a chance to do better. I cannot only thank him though; I must thank you guys ten times over. Without my parents, I don’t know where I would be. The smallest things yall do remind me of how hard you have worked and how much you’ve sacrificed for us. I couldn’t have asked for a life better than the one I have now. I love you guys very much.

Dear Annabelle and Abby,

This is much more awkward to write than the parents’ letter. You guys may find this cringy but what I say is sincere. 

I know I can be a lot at times with my horrendous laugh and attitude at times. I understand that you guys are much different than me. You two are usually noted as intelligent, but there are so many more important qualities you two possess. 

Dear Addison, 

You are truly going to struggle in your life. The laziness, the overindulgence, and the carelessness will catch up to you in your future. As you’re only fifteen, sitting on your phone as much as a cow grazes on grass, you’re sure to have consequences. You barely spend time with your parents, spending triple amounts of time online, doing useless things to fill your brain. 

I have had many positive moments in my life where I felt my hopefulness was more powerful than my own body. This hasn't happened since middle school, though. As I get older, it’s easier to do the things that are bad for me. It’s much more to slump down at my desk and waste my education when it’s high school, and I already know I have no future ahead of me. It’s not a matter of who I am compared to anyone.. No, it’s really just about who I am. I am the daughter of two impulsive, self sabotaging people, hence the results of their marriage. I think too hard about things, often ruining what is good in my life, proceeding to fall into deep holes for a year or so.

Unless I start working for something in life, I’ll never return to that level of peace in my life. I’ll get swallowed whole by the fear of adult life, being on my own. With that fear, I will become unconfident and fail. Whether I stop