I am Lost

It has happened again.

 

I am lost.

 

I shake and tremor like the earth’s grounds protesting stretching and peeling back at one another in a tremendous battle. I am freeing my body of its basic needs purging it though I wish not to I do not choose to I have no choice because I am shaking and the goodness cannot stay in me while I shake.

 

It has happened again.

 

I am lost.

 

This black cloud that comes to visit that takes me away and spins me until I am lost is why I am shaking, why I feel as though knowledge I have acquired over the years has been shaken out of me like my last meal. The letters and numbers and places walk out of me - there goes JFK, there goes the basic skill of two plus two, there goes blue and yellow make green, there goes the definitions, definitions of words like eccedentesiast, there goes grammar, there goes the scientific method, trotting away yelling out make your hypothesis test your hypothesis, there goes punctuation, there goes the civil rights movement, there goes Sicily is beneath Italy, there goes homo sapiens, there goes Martin Luther King Jr., there goes Pearl Harbor, there goes gravity -

 

until the only thoughts left are me, me, me, and this blackness, and suddenly I am Narcissus and I am staring into the water but I do not love but I hate and I shake and there I am shaking again and I am trying to tell someone trying to get help until all I can see is black and green and dark ugly colors and I pray for yellow, bright yellow and a kiss on the forehead and someone to say you are not crazy this is okay there is a name for this you are loved love yourself I love you but as I reach for a hand, for a kiss for that yellow I find myself grasping air between my fingers. I scream. I scream and I scream and I am screaming and you can see it in my eyes but for some reason you do not hear it and it makes me just want to combust.

 

And I fall.

 

And I am lost.

Author's Note

Hmm. I don't know what to make of this, so let everyone else decide.

Reviews

[The Analog Kid]

Interssting prose poem. Definite feeling of floating and drifting. Some of those universal snippets from the soundtrack of our lives emerge for a brief second. The stream-of-consciousness works well.