THAT GIRL

I see a girl who is only fourteen

Have you ever wondered where her smiles have been?

Did you ask why she bleeds tears?

Can't you see she is drowning with fears

Every day she wakes up her dreams die

You called her a liar 

Never asked why she had to make up lies

I face her every day

She wishes to die

How can I see which no one else can see

Only cause that girl is me

Reviews

[Pencrafter]

Your poem is emotional and touching, conveying the fears and uncertainty of growing up. The only thing I might suggest (and it's no big deal, really) is to alter slightly the last two lines. They might read 'How can I see what no one else can see. Only because that girl is me.' Or not. It's a fine poem.

[Carrie]

Very self reflective and deep in emotions. Sad but good poem.

[TPK Stories]

So touching and yet so full of hope despite her fears....

[Keith]

This was a dark read for me. You took me into your heart and mind and in that I have to say, very well done. I believe a writer is good when they can do just that.

Not being a poet myself I don't have anything to offer in critic other then I enjoyed reading this.

[afra]

thank you

[Cole Hayley]

Very emotional and personal. A great short piece.

[afra]

thank you

[Tomislav Petricevic]

I believe wanting to die because of a break up or something isn't very smart, considering what life has to offer. One relationship looks irrelevant if you look at the larger picture.
Anyways, I liked the poem, though the rhyming is a bit inconsistent.

[afra]

thank you

[Androglossia]

Great piece. Short but deep though I agree with Pencrafter about altering the last two lines for a better read. Aside from it, the poem is almost spotless.

Good job!

[afra]

thank you

[Barbara Walker]

Next to last line,"How can I see that, which no one else can see", is grammatically correct. Punctuation would help the flow and rhythm. Nice write.

[Serenity]

Wow, this poem is very deep and very real, it not only refers to you but to a lot of people out there who feel exactly like that, it is a very powerful poem and I am very intrigued by it, it is very very well written, and like I said very very powerful. It shows a side that not everyone see's, it shows the truth behind how so many of us feel... I like this poem a lot, I'm so favoriting this

[afra]

thanks

[Serenity]

no problem :)

[Jon Settle]

So very touching.... This actually brought me to tears.

[afra]

awww thanks but dont cry ...lol

[Jon Settle]

Oh, I won't I'm around too many people right now to do that. lol

[afra]

yeh ...lol

[Enar]

That was interesting to me, :)
I thought at first : this is going to be outside prospective of you
Then I got to "You called her a liar" then my mind switched to dat of you talking about someone else you notice, and then...
the last line i was like "iknew it" except not really
Btw this is really good I really like its variety in line length, but still maintains its nice flow

[afra]

thanks you ...^-^