On my Way to Buy a Pack

feelings, at 18.

Moments like this I wish I could call you 

to come get me 

I would crawl into your arms

and breathe out fully

Moments like this

when my grandfather forgets who he is;

how grand a man he is

when before my eyes the shiny glass

casing he was in 

shatters

and I see real life

and age

time, how it passes

what it does to people 

what it does to us

& in barely audible whisper: what liquor does for clarity

moments like these I wish you'd be here to 

tell me

you don't need a cigarette alisa 

your grandfather is an amazing man

you will be an amazing mom

and our love will weather the storm in its 

own way

and I love you, 

and I will, always

but I can't call you, 

so I will have a cigarette

and I will be an amazing mom

and writing this s**t down will be good 

enough

until - whomever it is I end up with, when our love and our eyes

are weathered by time

I love you already, 

and I will, always

Reviews

[emipoemi]

You write some intriguing and powerfully poetic pieces, Alisa, and I'm sitting here stunned and amazed! I have a couple of small critiques, if I may:

- "in barely audible whisper" (this either needs an "a" or for "whisper" to be pluralized. It otherwise comes off as strange and the last you'd want in a poem is a line that comes off as strange).

- "writing this s**t down...." (swearing needs to be done with utter care, for if not done right, they the bomb explodes and ruins all the beauty you had created. This is an example of it. It's a swear, that despite being minor, and despite possibly finding a niche within the poem given the tone of the section, because it's an unexpected usage, it ruins the beauty of the piece, so in order to ensure that the experience of this poem is in the end as brilliant as you intended it to be, it would be best to switch the swear out for another word, so readers are not so suddenly taken out of the magic by the jarring explosion of this bomb).

This poem is otherwise fan-tas-tic!! Well freaking done!