Book of the Pure Sons

I didn't go through great lengths to proofread and polish this story. Its more of just a short story to demonstrate my stuff. However, if you have any suggests or fixes for me, go ahead. Oh, but it is purposely a bit run on and some incomplete sentences. I felt it gave it a more, religious, epic feel. Agree? Disagree?
If anyone feels like writing a chapter of their own for this book, give it a shot and we'll see how it fits.