when i

journey through love and heartbreak as she finds her way to acceptance

when i first met you

you said i was the apple of your eye

with flowers in my hair

and light in my eyes

i parted way through the thunderstorms to prevail in your skies

when i first wanted you,

we spent nights under the stars

mornings talking with our fingers intertwined

connected

from head to toe

when i first needed you

you were always there

the shoulder i cried on

the hand to rub my hair

and tell me everything's okay

when i first loved you

you told me the prettiest fables about our happily ever after

about the day we’d wed

you would place a band of gold on my finger

and stake your claim on my golden heart

when i first trusted you

you broke it without warning

she didn't have flowers in her hair

but she did have light in her eyes

and potential in her cheeks

sparks in her breasts

and roses in her teeth

but there were rose thorns on my fingertips

poison on my lips and between my thighs

but i suppose the pain felt nice

because

when i first forgave you

you said you were sorry, that you felt like the world was coming down

on you

i said i was sorry for making it

when you first broke my heart

well, i didn't know what to do

your copper smell and rustic voice was already imprinted onto my nerve cells

tainting my bloodstream

i didn't need the band, i was already yours

but the gold on my heart began to chip away,

revealing a rusted interior that not even i knew existed

when my heart first reconstructed itself

you watched and laughed

when i first realized you were no good for me

my heart broke in its cage

and as it lay dying

i watched as you tore it to pieces

yet again

to be truthful, when i first left,

i didn't leave with my words

nor my actions

instead, i left with my unspoken resentment

my rose thorns

and my tainted petals

they say that love is like a flower for it must be nurtured

it is no wonder my petals fell off

went dry, and crumpled beneath my feet

and maybe if you'd known

that beneath your feet

were the remains of

love unseen

love taken for granted

love unbroken

then maybe

you would have tried to pick up the pieces before it was too late

but it is too late

and so finally

when i first left you

i felt my heart shakily lift her wings

break off her rusty chains

burst through her gates and fly free

i once understood why the caged bird sings

but now i understand why she never tried to leave

because sometimes imprisonment feels not like what it is

and sometimes settling feels like all you need

but

when i first understood my worth, and what i deserve

i knew it would come to me.

and i may not still have flowers in my hair,

and only potential in my cheeks

to speak for me.

but that's all i need.

Author's Note

hi! thank you so much for taking the time to read this and i love hearing responses to it, how it makes you or constructive criticisms, they all make me tingle. have a great day guys :)