18 and Struggling in a world filled with secrets and Poison

A story of how I seen this world I live in, I apologize for such random thoughts of depression, i vent out what's seen and the struggle i am suffering.

I want to live a long happy life, a life built on love, trust, faith and happiness, where no one in this world can tare you down and tell you what they've already experience; to be experienced or not - this world bases everything on the past when the present can due for a new change. The year of so and so, " I know you're screwing up cause I've done this years ago". I say "It's love that I seek, not another s happiness or ones greed, to live is to experience life upon this planet, you live once and freely you should. I love once and once Upon a time Life then I realize is no fairy-tale". I've seen things most have not, in dreams and I've seen passed my nightmares that came to reality, with all faith and belief my only weakness in this world is love which will turn my world into a tragedy. I want a love like no other, to show one and many that it's not just a cover, a cover or glimpse upon a magazine the paparazzi is a drama queen, to give is to take, without any exceptions this life is worth the wait. I'm 18 and realized this world we live in is world filled with pain and hurt, you can't go on unless you've accomplished the states needs and wants, a diploma first, and Identification, all you do is go through hurt, if you're weak and haven't seen the world you live in ..you may have possibly already given up on the first love you fell in love with...this world isn't worth the risk, but the world outside this world is something worth living in, do not give up or give in.. a little bit of faith and believing is all you need to survive in a world filled with hurt. I suffer from depression and anxiety and nightmares that come to reality and a past with no memory and only nightmares within memories, This world we live in is not how any 18 year old would want to see it , but as experienced as can be, i fight for the` and the love of my life is he`. I am terrible with comprehending and it holds me back, i want a diploma but i lack with slack.. sometimes i wonder who's body i am in, I've got the smarts to understand this world i live in, but i strive for the love to be here , without living there is no him, no us and i can't create a new and better world to live in. 

Author's Note

This may be an improper way of typing a story, but i want to be heard for those who feel any connection.

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[prince digbani]

in life, your happiness is in your hands. You have to will it and work towards achieving it. I can say this boldly because i went through it(depression) and now am stronger and happier.