The Coffee Shop

A short, descriptive piece about an adventurous visit to a local coffee shop.

A muffled chatter, scattered about
The sound of a smooch shared by two
They walked in, hands sewn together
They kissed like they hadn't seen one another in years
Two elderly women gab and gossip of old friends and memories passed
They look at me and smile, I smile back
They continue like no one in the world,
let alone the cafe, could hear them
I guess that's the age when one has surpassed feeling shame long ago

A pretty young girl sits and reads her book
The type of pretty girl you could actually approach
But you'd almost rather not dare to bother
She looks too pretty, just sitting there reading
Her hair tied up and her pampered nails painted with little flowers
Busy men walk in, walk out.
Black coffee. Bluetooth. Busy.
Baristas chat amongst one another
Probably complaining about crabby customers
Complaining about coworkers, complaining.
No harm done.
Anyone working is usually tired, sick and tired.

I ordered some sweet concoction
Caramel… something or other
I mind my business, admiring the pretty girl
Admiring the young couple admiring each other
Admiring the jovial, old ladies chatting it up like no one's listening
I hope when I reach that age that I'm that jovial, that talkative
I hope I have an old friend to sit with me and drink coffee
To talk of old friends and memories passed
To talk like no one's listening.

Author's Note

Please be honest. Don't fluff me up.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

Your poem is strong mostly becuz of how you use a ton of specific details to SHOW instead of tell (first rule of good writing). I enjoy your realistic, everyday observations, but I also notice this narrator seems to project his own attitude on the people he's observing. There's no tangible proof that people who work are always complaining . . . this is an attitude that's been brought INTO the coffee shop by the observer. Also, that it's shameful when old people visit enthusiastically & speak loudly . . . this is not an actual observation of this coffee shop scene, but rather an attitude that your writing reveals. I started out my writing career with many attitudes that were reflected in my writing, but I've tried to leave things open-ended to let readers come to their own conclusions about a scene or a character in my writing. All in all, your poem is solid & authentic & well-crafted. These are only my observations that might give you some insights on how your writing is received by some (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[AceBoogie]

Hmm.. interesting perspective. I always prefer to show than tell, so I'm glad you feel I've accomplished that. Thanks for your review.