Insecurities

It's amazing

All the insecurities you can inspire inside me

What am I to you?

Chubby?

Dorky?

Annoying?

I always hear,

Never change yourself for a guy

Especially

If you're falling for him

And he won't catch you

But I can't help it

I hear your voice

See your face

My heart speeds

My lungs don't work

Panic

Yet somehow, in a good way

Adrenaline is the body's natural defense

Fight or flight

Only this time I don't know what I want to do

If I flee

I never fully forgive myself

I tell myself

You would love me if you knew me

But you don't know me

If I fight

And stay near you

I feel like I'm trying too hard

Discouraged by the obvious joy you've found in other girls

So then again,

I flee

I tell myself

Maybe next time

Maybe when I see him alone

I'll finally say, 'hi'

Then walk away

Like the coward I am

What can I say?

I'm a bad conversationalist

I draw a complete blank

Faced with the pressure

Of making a good impression

Just small talk

What's wrong with me?

There's another insecurity to add to the list

Like I need more

And it's odd

You're the reason I have this list

If I could just let go of you

I'd no longer have such insecurities

You should feel flattered how much

Power

You hold over me

But you don't even realize it

I guess I don't mind

I'll find the guy one day

And if you're not The One

It sort of makes me happy

I can do better than you

If that's true

Why don't I want to?