Freezing

about her.

I am absolutely frozen tonight. It is freezing in my room. The fan blows directly at me causing my nimble fingers to be cold and thusly making my typing worse for the night. So for now I may enter something very short. I guess in a way I have set this room myself and have set the temperature at this because I enjoy the cold. I do enjoy the cold but right now I realize just how cold it is. It’s not just about the cold but about knowing I am going to be cold but still setting the temperature down. It doesn’t matter what but I always set it low. I always keep it cold and always end up getting cold. It’s a vicious cycle really. I know that I may feel like I am covered and she created some warmth for me but even now in my day of somewhat happiness I have found myself again behind this screen cold. No amount of covers can keep me warm. The fact that I am still weak and still in her trails desperate to have her back has caused me to be freezing tonight. I always do this to myself I trust the blankets and turn the thermostat down but it always comes back to bite me. I have never had this many blankets either. I have never trusted the blankets to keep me warm as much, but tonight I feel like I trusted too much and I let them cover me head to toe with ever fiber in their being and now I am left underneath exposed and shivering, because of that absence of consciousness in an attempt to fill some kind of gap my heart held. So I sit here sad and bummed but most of all cold. I sit cold and covered head to toe with her memories in my head covered in the blankets of her but yet they are nothing, these blankets mean nothing and these memories are nothing but memories, they cannot keep me warm only her embrace through these blankets but they too are just memories. I have nothing tonight but the cold chill and bite of the air and the clothes on my back, covered by blankets with no fiber, nothing but memories.

Albert

9.1.2012 12:25AM