Repentance

A come back. Sorry I was gone ....

I've lost myself in deep dark forest
And I happened to have lost my lamp
I can proceed no longer
Because every turn I take is a dead end

Every dark corner
Has these voices
These memories
That I thought I let go of
A long time ago.

Help me its a hell hole here,
No I don't wanna fall prey
To these nightmares
These regrets
No not again.

And I thought I was strong enough
To take a bullet to the heart
And somehow survive
What was I thinking?
Im not a rock

It's not love anymore
It's become lust,
It's not a need, but a desire,
A greed the lurks within my pain
I just wanna feel again

But what I'm feeling right now is wrong.
This is my darkness speaking
The bloodthirsty vampire
That will only take and expect not to pay the price

I can't fight it.
It's too strong its toppling me over
It's bogging me down
To think that emptiness
Is now filled with so much pain.

I really thought that I was fine
But I'm such a wreck inside
Each part of me is falling apart
All the wounds are opening up
Everything is so damn hazy,
Oh baby,
Where are you?

No the past is never in the past
No matter how many times you let go
It will come back to haunt you
It's never too easy to survive
The mistakes you've done
This is how you repent.

Maybe I don't care anymore
But the pain just doesn't stop
Its always been there and it's here to stay
So don't tell me to ignore it.

I left all my doors open
And waited for you to come but I
Got butchered by
All these unwanted intruders instead
And you never came.
Not even when you knew that I was bleeding to death.

Can't you see it?
You're the reason I'm like this
And you feel no guilt or pity
I can see the kind of a monster
that you are.

Reviews

[Sarah Rae]

I loved your honesty. I though you expressed well your vulnerability and how you wrestle with it. Thank you for sharing & keep writing!

[Alexandra]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it :D

[Janine Boiselle]

I like the idea that lust is in a way torture, especially towards someone whom one once cared deeply about, but perhaps the person that "breaks our hearts" isn't the "monster". Maybe it's our own interpretations and thoughts about tragic situations in the world of romance? Just something to think about.

This piece clearly has a lot of rawness and story behind it, but as a reader, I felt as thought I was being pulled in many different directions. I get that heartache is a painful experience, but what makes your piece stand out from the rest? What, through this piece, are you trying to reveal to me?

If you can edit this poem in order to try and answer these questions, I think this piece could have a much more powerful impact.

Good work so far though.

[Alexandra]

Thank you :) I'll try and answer your questions but the thing is my stuff are always stereotypical (at least that's what most people say) you can try reading 'dwindled little scar' I'm sure that might bring do e clarity :D

[Janine Boiselle]

Well screw what other people say! Keep writing! Maybe they're comments are encouraging you to edit more? I'm sure they just want to hear more of your voice :)

[Alexandra]

Aww :) that means a lot thank you. Apparently not many people use to like my voice. I was bullied and neglected for more than five years... So it nice to hear some feedback. At least I know I'm not crazy

[Janine Boiselle]

I think we're all a little crazy to some degree, but really, don't get discouraged. The fact of the matter is that not everybody is going to like your style or voice or whatever, but that still leaves room for people to like all of it. Hell, I'm sure you've heard of John Green, "Fault in Our Stars" guys? I have such a weird love/hate relationship with his writing, but other people PRAISE his writing.

At the very least, exposing your voice in your work will show people that you're a risk taker. Because exposing one's true self has got to be one of many difficult things to do. It might take some time to find your "voice" but it's in there.

[Alexandra]

Yeah, couldn't agree less. :)

[Gee]

Full of angst and pain.Really enjoyed reading,even though it's at your hearts expense.Keep up the good work.

[Alexandra]

Thank you so much Gee. I'm glad you liked it :)