I hate myself.

A Story by alicia

Not much of a story, but just me being honest with myself at 11 at night.

I hate myself. I hate the the back of my thighs. I hate the way my stomach has never been flat. I hate how my b***s look with no bra on. I hate how my butt looks when I wear a bathing suit. I hate how my face looks from the side. I hate how my eyebrows look before I do them. I hate how short my eyelashes are. I hate how I look with absolutely no makeup on. I hate that I’m not smart. I hate knowing all of my teachers think I’m stupid. I hate how average my grades have always been. I hate how I get up late at night and eat icing straight from the container, or an entire bag of chips. I hate that everyone thinks I’m mean. I hate how I can’t get myself to get out of bed every morning so I don’t know I look like trash the entire day. I hate not being able to talk to people about how I feel. I hate only being able to write what is really inside of my head. I hate letting people think I’m intimidated by them. I hate the answers I give during job interviews. I hate how my feet look when I wear flip flops. I hate being so stubborn all the time. I hate the gaps between my teeth. I hate not being good enough at French horn. I hate the acne at the top of my back. I hate not telling jokes because I’m afraid of what other people might think. I hate that feeling of envy I get toward other people when they have more money than I do. I hate how my hair looks naturally. I hate the way my love handles look in my prom dress. I hate constantly worrying about who I should be spending time with. I hate the way I don’t try. I hate the way my voice sounds on the phone. I hate having such a negative attitude toward everything because I’m afraid of being disappointed. I hate worrying about making the wrong choices about college and my future. I hate being too afraid to tell close friends about some of my issues because I don’t want to sounds weird. I hate not having people to talk to in my classes. I hate not being liked. I hate not feeling good enough. I hate myself.