Reflection

Just some thoughts of mine.

Things I learned in one year.

Love.

If the person you love stops you doing what you want, its not love. If they make you feel pressured to be someone else, to dress differently, to act differently, to have different friends, to like different music, its not love. If you feel threatened by them in anyway what so ever, its not love. If they make you feel small, worthless? Yup you guessed it. Its not love.

I have said it for years, choose the people who aren’t making you choose, but when the person you think you are in love with gives you an ultimatum, its completely different. Being in that bubble when you feel like your whole life is revolved around them, its almost impossible to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. You may know that the way they are making you feel is wrong, but you are completely drowning and they seem to be the only one holding out a hand. That is not the case. They are the one pulling you down.

Anyone who gives you an ultimatum between them and something you dream of doing, does not love you.

You always “know when you’ve met the one” right? Bullshit. That boy you sneak out to see at midnight might make your heart jump, and his smile may engulf every inch of your heart and you cannot see a future without him, but you have to remember. You never really know anyone, and when your so called love for this boy is in-twined with the excitement of having a secret, is it him you are in love with or is it the excitement?

When the excitement dies away and suddenly you are in this relationship with someone you barely recognise, you don’t know them because you’ve only ever seen the side they want you to see and they still are constantly on your mind but for all the wrong reasons. Will they be happy with the meal you have cooked? Or because you’ve decided not to see your friends for the third week running? They are miserable so you must do whatever it takes to make them happy even if it drives you to the thought of slitting your own wrist open in your parents bathtub. Don’t let them drag you down, don’t let them control you to this degree.

If you are ever with someone who controls you, even in the slightest way. RUN. RUN FOR THE HILLS. Do you want to be that woman who has five kids and a husband who has seven mistresses and you aren’t even allowed out? No? Then run.

I thought I was in love and I hated life for making me feel this way. I was tricked by my own heart, I wasn’t in love, I was infatuated with a boy I met in the half lit shade of the sunrise.

Love should never drive you to suicidal thoughts at 3am as he is lying next to you, listening to you cry but not giving a damn.

If you ever feel a moment when you feel you cant tell someone what he said to you for fear of their reaction, that is the exact moment you do tell someone, you mum, your sister, some randomer on the street. Tell someone. You are not alone, they want you to feel that way but you are strong and you will be so much better without them. They bully you down because they know you are stronger than them, and are scared you will leave if you have the choice.

They do not love you; but don’t be sad because you don’t love them either and your future is brighter without them.

Im not sure what love is; but I’ve learnt the hard way what its not.

Author's Note

Grammar is not my strong point. Just like to write what I feel. Any feed back would be great! thanks