Tomatoes

A wife and mother makes the decision to leave her family and go on a road trip.

The children’s screams were enough to drive anyone insane. She put down her cup of coffee with too much force, causing the black liquid to spill and spread across the white granite surface. A sigh fell from her mouth and her shoulders slumped down as she stared at the expanding mess. She tore off a paper towel and sopped up the coffee, but then a particularly piercing shriek caused her to jerk her head around at the two girls. She wanted to toss insults and curse words across the room. The words died behind her lips. She couldn’t say such things to them without consequences. Turning back to the spill, she picked up the gray sponge and began scrubbing the counter to make it shine. When she finished, she looked up again and through the window, coffee cup in her back in her hand. Twilight descended on the front yard, and the shadows blanketed everything until it was all hidden in darkness.

“Mommy, when will Daddy be home?” Eliza yelled through her giggles.

“Soon. I don’t know.”

“When, Mommy?” A screech that shook her skull.

“I said I don’t know! Will you two please be quiet? I have a headache.”

“But Mommy "”

“Now, please!”

The two girls, aged nine and six, stared at their mother’s back as the last of their laughter faded away. Piper picked up her favorite doll, Miss Peppercorn, and squeezed it against her chest. The doll’s hair was black, the flesh was ivory, and the clothes were patches of gray. The black, luminous, watchful buttons that served as its eyes followed Piper everywhere she went. Eliza, the older sister, stared at her feet and ran her fingers through Otto’s thick, black fur.

Moments later, Amelia saw headlights turn into the driveway. She spoke without facing the children. “Your father’s home. Go upstairs. Mommy needs to talk to Daddy.” She poured the last half of her coffee down the sink and washed the cup right away. Josh liked a clean sink.

She didn’t hear the creaks of the stairs.

“I said go upstairs!” She turned around, waving the sponge in the air. The two girls quickly set off and didn’t look back. Otto whined at the loss of the girls’ attention.

After straightening everything on the counter, Amelia smoothed her hair and wet her lips. Running her hands down her shirt, her finger plunged into a smear of peanut butter. She gasped in disappointment and tore off another paper towel to wipe it away. Josh came through the door at that moment, but he didn’t notice her. Otto had run up to him for attention.

“Hey babe,” Josh said as he rubbed the dog’s face between his hands.

“How was your day?” she asked, throwing away the crumpled towel.

“Nothing to report. Where are the girls?” He stood at the refrigerator, leaning into it to find a beer.

“I sent them upstairs so "”

“Why would you do that? I like to see them when I get home.” For the first time he faced her, and his face held anger and confusion.

“I just wanted to be the first to say hello to you.” She spoke quietly, stepping towards him with a smile.

“Oh.” His lips twitched and he kissed her lightly on the mouth. “Eliza! Piper!” He called for the girls before he had completely turned away from Amelia.

She closed her eyes and listened to her family laugh and scream and talk in the other room. She gripped her hands at her sides, digging nails into flesh.

“When’s dinner?” Josh called.

“Soon.”

Hours later, Amelia stood naked in the bright, white bathroom. She toweled off the water droplets and wrapped her hair on top of her head in a cotton shirt the color of dust. Josh was busy putting the girls to bed, and then he would walk Otto one last time. This was the family’s routine every night.

Wrapping a dark towel around herself, Amelia walked from the bathroom to the bedroom. She picked out her pajamas, and also took a moment to glance over her wardrobe. All of this would be left behind, except for one outfit, of course. She pulled down a pair of black skinny jeans and a short-sleeved black shirt, and she draped them across a cream-colored armchair in the corner of the room. These clothes would be comfortable for a long car ride. If Josh asked about them, she would just say that she wanted to pick out her outfit for the next day. He wouldn’t suspect a thing. Looking around for her favorite black flats, she heard the bedroom door groan as it opened. Josh’s presence surprised her. He usually walked the dog right after the girls were in bed.

“Is everything okay?” Amelia asked, clutching the towel to her body.

Josh was only three inches taller than Amelia, but she saw him as a giant. He could easily carry her, and she drank up his masculinity. She enjoyed feeling fragile and small beside him. His pale blue eyes reminded her of icy waters that could easily drown her. His dark brown hair was just long enough to grab onto when she needed it. She had loved every ounce of him, and for so long all she needed was for him to want her. He had let her down.

He walked to Amelia and grabbed her left forearm. “I don’t like what you did tonight.”

“What do you mean?” She tried to pull away from his grip, but he held on tighter. “You didn’t like dinner?”

“When I come home, I see the girls.”

Amelia was silent. He tightened his grip further, and she knew there would be more bruises.

“Do you hear me? My children come first.”

She nodded.

“Good.” He let go. “Be in bed by the time I get back.” He left the room.

Breathing deeply, she pulled on her bone-colored nightshirt and grabbed a magazine to read. What she didn’t say, what she was honestly too afraid to say, was that she wondered where she placed in his life. Was she just the person who made dinner? He hadn’t even looked at her when he came home. He paid more attention to the dog.

She settled into bed and flipped through the pages of interior design. In a few hours, this would all be behind her. She just needed to wait until he was fast asleep. When he came home, he undressed, climbed into bed, and turned on the flat screen. He said nothing to Amelia.

Once Josh had been snoring for over two hours, she slowly slipped out of bed. After grabbing the bundle of clothes from the chair, she tiptoed to the bathroom. She dressed quickly in the midnight shadows. Her fingers fumbled over buttons, and the sound of the zipper echoed throughout the bathroom. She carefully turned on the cool water and rubbed her face with a wet hand. Noise had to be minimal. She could not wake them. Even though she couldn’t see herself in the mirror, she picked up a comb and ran it through her hair. The bundle of bedclothes laid beside the toilet, and she grabbed them and stuffed them in the closet hamper. She needed as much time as possible.

She opened the door, stepped into the hallway, and paused. Her eyes were wide and her ears were pricked. The only sounds were the soft whirring of the air filter and his snores. The children were soundless.

She crept down the hardwood hallway to the girls’ bedroom. The starry projector lit upon the corners of the room, the toys and clothes on the floor, and the girls’ sleeping faces. A few throw pillows were strewn across the floor. Amelia picked one up and stepped to the side of Piper’s bed. She stared down at the sleeping child, and her eyes found Miss Peppercorn’s shining black buttons.

*

She flew down Haven Avenue through the blinking yellow lights. It was normally the busiest road in town, but at the moment it was deserted. People either lived north or south of it, and it was hard to get anywhere without going onto this street.

Everything she needed was in the car. She’d carefully packed it over the last two weeks. The two suitcases had remained in her trunk, and she would occasionally bring clothes, toiletries, papers, and other items out to the car. Usually this happened on her days off from work, while Josh was at work and the girls were napping. The biggest loss for her was going to be her phone, which she would throw from the car very soon. She couldn’t possibly bring it with her. The bill was in Josh’s name, so he’d be able to track her. She would miss the games and the apps, but it had to go. In order to get where she was going, she had purchased a simple GPS system last week. Josh thought it was frivolous, but Amelia explained that she needed it to take the girls on a school trip. She had become good at lying in recent years, and he didn’t pay much attention to her anyway.

The full moon sat in the cloudless night sky bearing down at her like a pale harbinger of liberty. Beyond the moon, the sky was a deep black blanket strewn with stars. She was a daughter of the night sky now, of the freedom it promised. Nothing was tied to her now.

The moon’s white light reached out and glinted off of the black 2007 Mazda Josh had bought for her last year. He had said she didn’t need a brand new car like he had because it was just going to get dirty from the kids.

She had agreed. She had always agreed. That was her job. That was her duty. That was an unspoken vow she had made at their wedding. Disagreement meant bruises, and sometimes bloody noses. If he had caught her tonight, she wasn’t sure what would have happened.

Josh was certainly an angry man, and sometimes that rage manifested into violence. But he was also a dumb, boring man. He liked plain white rice, but he didn’t know how to boil water. He was an accountant, but often needed help figuring out a tip. He enjoyed golf. He had been so different in college, long before their wedding. She didn’t know what had happened. At some point, he started grabbing her and pushing her around. Still, he didn’t inject himself too far into her life. She had a part-time job and a few friends. He didn’t pay attention to her expenses. He really only cared about dinner, the dog, and the kids.

After driving for two hours, she’d driven two towns away. It was time for a break. She saw a Starbucks up ahead, but that wouldn’t open for another hour or so. Another minute of driving brought a convenience store into view. She pulled into the parking lot and checked her wallet out of habit. The cash was there. Walking into the bright store, she smelled bleach, but she noticed the linoleum floor was stained. There were small aisles of snacks and microwavable foods. She walked up and down each one only because she wanted to stretch her legs. The pale, skinny man behind the counter was playing some game on his phone that made lots of shooting sounds. He looked like someone who didn’t see the sun often.

Amelia grabbed a bag of mixed nuts and slowly made her way over to the coffee machines. They had regular, decaf, and hot water for tea. She had never understood the point of decaf coffee. As she poured herself a large cup of regular, she thought of how Josh liked to drink a decaf cappuccino after dinner every night. He thought that made him elegant. She left her coffee black and unsweetened.

As she approached the counter, the man looked up and his phone stopped making noise. She suddenly realized something important.

“Can I use your restroom?”

In response, he reached over to his left and picked up a key. Amelia took it and looked around until she saw the door in the back corner of the store.

“Is it alright if I leave this here?” she asked, setting down her coffee and nuts.

He nodded and returned to his game.

The bathroom was almost as small as an outhouse, but it didn’t smell so bad. It also looked clean enough. Still, she tried not to sit on the seat.

The man didn’t say anything as he rang her out except, “$5.54.” Amelia paid in cash, thanked him, and left.

As she drove through the night, she turned on a talk radio station and let the useless chatter distract her. She was tired, but she was also determined to drive until she met Rosa. She wouldn’t stop at a motel until the exchange was complete. Rosa was waiting just inside of Arkansas with a white 2003 Toyota Avalon. Amelia was going to hand over $2,500 and then ditch the Mazda. She wasn’t going to let Josh find her.

Her blinks lasting longer and longer, she continued through the thick night. It was hot, even in the dark. There were few cars on the road with her. Men discussed the problems in women’s health care on the radio. Draining the coffee, she realized she had to use a bathroom again. She wanted to go at least two more hours without stopping, but she couldn’t. At 5:28, she decided to take the next exit. But first, she rolled down her window and flung the cellphone from the car.

She switched off the radio as she pulled into a nice-looking Starbucks. They were open this time. She parked and walked around to the trunk. The laptop she bought three weeks ago and had only turned on once in order to set up everything was in the smaller of the two suitcases. She pulled it out. It was completely charged and wrapped in a soft, pale blue sleeve.

Amelia had been able to buy everything for the trip with cash. She’d been storing it up for months. Each time she went to the store, she took some out of their bank account. Josh never noticed, and he was still giving her the allowance. It was supposed to be for her spending needs and the kids’, but she’d been frugal lately. The kids didn’t need much.

Inside the coffee shop, the lighting was a bit harsh, but the music was calming. She ordered a large latte and sat by a window. There was nothing she needed to do. She just wanted to review her plans. It would take three days to get to the Mexican border. In another few hours, she’d meet with Rosa to buy the Toyota. Josh would be awake by then.

She wondered what he would do when he woke up. Would he look over at her side of the bed? Would he notice that her car was gone? How long would it take him to call her cell phone, which lay somewhere along the highway?

She smiled at her laptop screen. She wished she could be there to watch it unfold. He had certainly put her through enough. The last few years had been the saddest of her life. There were no words to describe them. Having a second child was a bed decision, but it’s not like Josh had given her a choice. And as soon as the children were in the picture, she was pushed out. He didn’t care about her anymore. Their love was dead.

She often felt that she didn’t matter to anyone she knew. If she were pathetic, she might have been on the cusp of suicide. No one she knew paid much attention to her, or asked her about her needs, or even asked how her day had been. It’s not like she was the sort of person to call attention to herself, or to start rambling about her life to anyone who would listen. Every human being needed someone to look at them from time to time. No one looked at Amelia.

She had made these decisions one year ago, and everything slowly fell into place. It was somewhat difficult because she was wary of writing down her thoughts, ideas, and plans. But then she realized she could keep track of them on her computer in the home office. Josh never looked there. Of course, she deleted everything three days before leaving.

Once, she had thought her wedding day was the best day of her life. Ever since she’d given birth for the first time, she’d regretted marrying Josh. Some nights she wished so hard, and even prayed to God, to go back in time. Nothing ever came of that. Only her own actions would save her.

The sun slowly peaked over the horizon, stretching out its rays to caress the black car, beckoning to her. Amelia drove down the three-lane highway, and she stayed in the middle lane. She didn’t want to speed since she was wary of being pulled over. More cars were out on the road now, and occasionally she was passed by someone in a great hurry.

She rolled down the windows since it was getting hotter, and this brought up memories of Josh. She remembered how Josh hated driving on the highway. The loudness of the cars, and especially trucks, made him extremely nervous. He would never roll the windows down when they had to go on the highway. He would even let Amelia do the driving because he felt safe with her.

Amelia shook her head. She didn’t want to think fondly of him. After all this time, all this planning, she’d finally managed to make her escape. She couldn’t let her mind wander to such things. She turned on the radio and listened to Maroon 5 try to seduce her.

When her stomach started to really grumble, she realized she hadn’t really eaten anything in almost eleven hours. A small rest stop was coming up, so she decided to stop there. It didn’t have much besides damp sandwiches and weak coffee, but she would take what she could get.

As she browsed the selection of egg, bacon, and sausage on various rolls and bagels, a man’s voice made her jump.

“What brings a pretty thing like yourself in here?” The voice was deep and unsettling.

She turned completely around with a look of shock. “Excuse me?”

“I said I’d like to know what you’re doing here.”

Staring at him for a few seconds, she took in his watery eyes and bad breath. Then she gestured toward the display. “Well, I’m looking for a bite to eat.”

“I could take you someplace nice. My truck is outside.”

She paused and almost laughed. “No, thank you. I’m married.” She held up her hand.

The man grunted and rubbed a hand along his stubble. “Where’s your husband then?”

“He’s "” She realized she didn’t know what to say. The truth wouldn’t work. “He’s waiting in the car, so if you don’t mind…” Slowly, she turned back to the display.

“Uh-huh.” The man stood there for another moment, but Amelia refused to look at him. She felt her body trembling and didn’t know what to say to make him go away. Then finally, he walked off with a low chuckle. Amelia grabbed a sausage, egg, and cheese sandwich, and then heard the tinkle of the bell on the door.

Turning around with the warm roll in her hand, she scanned the store and didn’t see any other customers. The clerk was filling up the coffee dispensers.

Amelia hurried over to the coffee and filled up a large cup with a dark roast. She smiled at the young Pakistani woman. Then she decided to take a turn around the store to stretch her legs. She realized this would probably become her routine " stop for food, get a coffee, walk around the entire shop. Many of the shelves had a thick layer of dust, and when she checked a bag of candy’s expiration date, it told her the candy had gone bad a month ago. This led her to check the sandwich in her hand. There was no date.

“Excuse me,” she said as she approached the clerk. “I was just wondering when these sandwiches were made?”

“They came in about an hour ago. We heat them and put them on display.”

“Oh, okay, great.” Amelia smiled and walked to the register. She was hungry and too timid to question the sandwiches further. The clerk followed her.

“There are picnic tables outside if you’d like to sit and eat before driving again. Most people need a break, you know?” The clerk spoke quickly as she punched numbers into the machine.

“Thank you, I think I will do that.”

“Enjoy.”

As Amelia sat and stared at the sandwich, she found herself wishing for the Saturday breakfast Eliza had made with Josh’s help last week. It hadn’t been wonderfully delicious. In fact, it had been quite terrible.

With a sudden flash, the memory she’d been trying to keep away hurled itself through her mind. She sat there frozen, lips pressed together hard. She still didn’t know how she could have done that. The pillow was just on the floor, and then in her hand, and then she was standing over their beds in the dark. Their closed eyes and pale faces filled her mind.

Pushing the thoughts away, she looked back down at the misshapen sandwich and took a large bite. Risks like these were the whole point of this adventure. She chewed the mushy bread and watched the cars driving west.

Back in the car, she glanced at the odometer. Already, she had covered nearly 250 miles and was approaching the border between Tennessee and Arkansas. Crossing that border was going to be a big step in this endeavor. She was born in Tennessee. She went to college in Tennessee. She even had her honeymoon in Tennessee. With luck, she’d never see this place again.

Seeing that blue and white sign sent a thrill through her body. A grin broke apart her solemn face. “Welcome to Arkansas, The Natural State, Buckle Up For Safety.” The moment was over too soon. Rosa was waiting. It was after 9:00, and they had agreed to meet at 9:00 sharp. Amelia had no way of contacting her, so she had to hurry.

Taking the exit in Osceola, an extremely small town, Amelia remembered that Rosa had said in her email that she’d be waiting on the side of the road right off the exit. Her heart raced as she traveled down the ramp, and she realized she didn’t know whether to go left or right. When she stopped and looked around, she saw the Toyota parked next to a silver Honda on the right. Two people were standing near the cars.

Amelia had to drive past them and make a U-turn in order to park on their side of the road. The man and the woman, hopefully Rosa, stared at her. Amelia gathered up her purse and keys. She took a second to think about the suitcases, but then decided she could move them afterwards.

“Hello there.” The man said. He spoke with a bit of a twang.

Amelia smiled at the pair, then made eye contact with the woman. “Hi! I’m Amelia. Are you Rosa?”

“Yes, ma’am, and this is my husband, Jonny.” Rosa also had an accent, though it was subtler than Jonny’s. She had long, pin-straight, black hair, and her flawless olive skin didn’t go unnoticed by Amelia, who realized at that moment that she’d forgotten her wrinkle cream. She meant to use it last night and then pop it in her purse, but instead it was sitting on the bathroom counter.

The man, who was tall and angular, had very pale skin, but his cheeks were flushed from the heat. His crew cut and blonde hair gave the impression that he was bald. He smiled back at Amelia.

“Great, well, I’d love if we can make this quick. I have an envelope here for you.” Amelia reached into her purse.

“That’s great. That’s just great.” Rosa took a set of keys out of her pocket.

“Well, now, what are you gonna do with that car?” Jonny nodded toward the Mazda.

“Oh, um,” Amelia glanced back at the car. She had planned on leaving it behind after Rosa left.

 Jonny seemed to read her mind. “Are you just gonna leave it here?”

“Jonny, it’s not our business.” Rosa touched his arm.

“Well, it’s a nice car, ain’t it? What if we take it off your hands?”

Amelia widened her eyes. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

He screwed up his face in a visible sign of thought. “Why not?”

“Jonny…” Rosa said quietly.

“Hey, I’m just wondering.”

“I just don’t want to get you two involved,” Amelia paused. “You’d be asking for trouble.”

“Yeah, Jonny, I’ll tell you about it in the car.”

“Okay, then.” He shrugged and walked back to the Honda.

The women watched him for a moment. Then Amelia looked back at Rosa. “I really appreciate this.”

“Hey, it’s a fair deal. Just take care of yourself, and be grateful you never had kids with him.”

“Thank you so much.”

“Good luck to you.”

They exchanged money and keys. Amelia watched them drive off, then hurriedly moved the suitcases. She stuck the keys of the Mazda back in its ignition, then stopped to stare at her left hand. They had chosen platinum bands, and her engagement ring was worth nearly $12,000. She stared and twisted the rings around her finger. She only ever took them off when she showered, or when she baked something messy. Looking up, she saw her face in the rearview mirror. Her auburn hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she looked tired with no make-up on her face. She realized what she was doing.

She pulled the rings off and threw them on the floor of the passenger’s side. She slowly got out of the car, slammed the door, and then settled herself in the Toyota. It was a comfortable car, and it would take her to Mexico.

The truth was, she felt a bit bad about lying to Rosa. The woman seemed kind enough. Amelia just didn’t know any other way to get what she needed, which was a decent car at a cheaper price with no questions asked when she produced cash. She couldn’t leave a trail, so going to a dealer was out of the question.

After just another half hour of driving, Amelia saw signs for a farmer’s market. Something in her felt intrigued, so she decided to go and check it out. The girls had always liked farmer’s markets. Amelia liked them, too. They felt very old-world to her, and Josh was always happy when she brought home fresh fruit and vegetables and flowers.

She followed the signs and discovered the market was enormous. It was already later in the morning, so of course it was ridiculously crowded. She decided to park as close as she could get, which was almost half a mile away, and roam through the stalls.

Gentle music was coming from somewhere, and one of the first stalls she came across was selling honey. She tasted it and smiled. Josh loved to have honey on his pancakes, and those were the times he tasted sweetest. She bought a bottle. Next, she came upon a fresh flower stall, and a bundle of bright peonies struck her. The smell reminded her of hair. Soft, thin, light brown hair. She bought these, too.

As she walked, looking at the stalls of strawberries, cakes, peaches, jams, yellow squash, apricots, and pies, each stall reminded her of her family. There was the time Piper tried beets for the first time and spit them all over the table. There was the time Josh’s mother showed her how to make the perfect peach pie. There was the time the girls dragged their mother through a market similar to this one and made her buy something from almost every stall.

Tears began to well up in Amelia’s eyes, and she questioned her decision. Was Mexico worth it? Had she made the right choices, done the right deeds? Then, the tomatoes made her stop and stare. The stall was practically overflowing in flaming, bigger-than-baseballs, ripe tomatoes. She walked over and picked one up, and she thought of Josh. It was bigger than her palm. He loved a tomato and cheese sandwich.

Staring at the tomato in her hand, she could see the bruises on her forearm out of the corner of her eye. She began to tremble.

“Are you alright, miss?” The tomato vendor had noticed her.

She glanced up and placed the tomato down. “I’m completely fine.”

As she walked back to her car, she came across a large, full-to-bursting garbage bin. She tossed the honey and peonies on top.

 

Author's Note

I'm open to any critiques. This is one of the first short stories I shared with others. After encouragement from my professor, I submitted it to be published in my college's literary magazine and they accepted it last year.