The Boy in Hyacinth Blue

When your eyes and your skin tell you something is there, but you can't see anything, anyone, anywhere......

In the quiet, oh so still

by the fire, winter's chill

Raindrops falling, pitter-pat

Company calling just like that

A streak of him I saw just now

A figure that went past somehow

Looking near the basement door

I know he was just there before

Trickery of the mind, they say

Figments of the eyes at play

Is the cold that lingers on

the spirit world or Jack Frost's pawn?

That shiver runs between the blades

of shoulders in laced promenade

Still I see no remnant here....

No child in hyacinth blue to fear

He, like others, has traveled ahead

Along the pathway for the dead

Reviews

[Icelanna]

I like this and the fact the writing is in blue to emphasize the point :P But you have a good rhyming scheme, which is important in poetry. Your's is rhyming couplets which should be blocked off after the two rhyming lines with a full stop. Besides that you need punctuation - it is essential to have it in any piece of writing, because it gives you depth and understanding of emotive qualities of the piece.
Also "promenade" and "blades" doesn't actually rhyme - if your wondering it's an eye rhyme, the actually word looks like it will rhyme but the word's pronunciation is no where near it. Over here we say "promenARD" not "ADE" as in lemonade. Might be different where you're from.
Hope this helps :)

[Avocations of Amber]

Icelanna, thank you for your wonderfully insightful review and moreover, thanks for reading to begin with. I always welcome criticism, especially if it's helpful. Where I am in the U.S., the word promenade is spoken with "ade", the /a/ being strong. When I write, I let the words flow from inside, usually setting aside punctuation and whether or not something perfectly rhymes. It is a passion and nothing more. Still, thank you so very much for the lesson. It was nice that you took the time to point out those things.

[Icelanna]

Your welcome, your very talented :] x

[Avocations of Amber]

thank you.... ditto :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Such classical tones portraying a feeling many will have experienced with easy flowing word pictures.

[Dream Weaver]

Love the rhyming here as well as the
eerily enchanting story it tells...

[Avocations of Amber]

Thank you! I like the creepy and the charming.....so I guess, if the shoe fits..... thanks again for visiting. :)

[Dream Weaver]

My pleasure, twas worth the read. :)

[.]

a lyrical rivulet of words.
nice job!

[Avocations of Amber]

not half as lyrical as your amazing works of art.....but thanks for visiting!

[An owl on the moon]

What a brilliant dance of words that fills the mind with a stirring, winter's rhythm... The movement and emotion bring such a depth to your vision. (As an aside, Girl in Hyacinth Blue is one of my favorite books, so this pulled me right in.)

[Avocations of Amber]

Thank you, Craig. I'm such a fan of your writing....so I truly appreciate your feedback on mine. I have always loved Vermeer paintings and had thought about that when I wrote this. Nice connection.... :)

[An owl on the moon]

Yes, oh yes.. Vermeer's use of light is absolutely stunning! Thank you for enlightening my mind, dear poet!