iphone time travel app

a humorous look at the possibility of time travel - in this case - to warn the President, in advance of the virus.

If I could change one thing - there would be an phone app I could use to travel back in time - to last year - and warn the President that this deadly Pandemic was coming to America. So, let's go:

A new iPhone app developed by DARPA, will let the user travel back in time. A student friend of mine, from the University, showed it to me and I took his phone.

It’s a Monday morning, I’m eating breakfast with my mom - she goes to pour milk.

I set my date for December 1st 2019 and click GO
The world blurs for a moment - and I feel vaguely nauseous.
But I dial the phone... *ring* *ring* “Hello, White House Operator”
Me: “Hi, I’m a concerned citizen, can I speak with the President?”
Operator: “I’m sorry, the President is a very busy man - can I take a message?”
Me: “Thanks anyway, have a great day”
*I hang up*

*ring* *ring* “Hello, White House Operator”
Me: “ah.. mmm.. Hi, I’m a w***e and Don said I should call when I’m in town.”
Operator: “Oh, hold for the President”
*clicking sounds*
President Trump: “Hello?”
Me: *sexiest w***e voice* “Donny! Daaaling, HowZ, it hangin’ baby”
President Trump: “They’re hangin’ high baby - the highest - The highest and the hardest ANYWHERE”
Me: *sexiest w***e voice* “Donny! I need to warn you, there’s a pandemic coming!”
President Trump: “A picnic.. I LOVE picnics.. a naked picnic???”
Me: *sexiest w***e voice* “NO Donny, a global PANDEMIC, soon, thousands will DIE”
President Trump: “What are you wearing, BABY”
Me: *normal voice* “Mr. President, a PANDEMIC is coming and over 100,000 Americans will die”
President Trump: *heavy breathing* “Why don’t we get together baby”
I hang up *click* aarrrrggghhhh!

I set my date back a day - November 30th 2019 and click GO
The world blurs for a longer moment - and I feel so nauseous I almost barf.
But I dial the phone... *ring* *ring* “Hello, White House Operator”
Me: *best Russian fake accent* ”Dah, I am kalling for PreZEdent PUUTain”
Operator: “Oh, hold for the President”
*clicking sounds*
President Trump: “Hello?”
Me: *best Russian fake accent* ”DON-nic, I am handlink U for PreZEdent PUUTain”
President Trump: “Oh, I’m workin for Vladimir, workin hard here, the HARDEST”
Me: *best Russian fake accent* ”DON-nic, Letting me Vorn U of PANDEMIC”
President Trump: “A picnic.. I LOVE picnics.. a naked picnic???”
Me: *best Russian fake accent* ”DON-nic, a global PANDEMIC, soon, thousands will DIE”
President Trump: “What are you wearing, BABY”
Me: *best Russian fake accent* ”DON-nic, a PANDEMIC is coming 100,000 Americans will die”
President Trump: *heavy breathing* “Why don’t we get together baby”
I hang up *click* “Son of a...”, I yell.

I set my date back a day - November 29th 2019 and click GO
The world blurs for several moments - I feel so nauseous I almost fall from my chair.
But I dial the phone... *ring* *ring* “Hello, White House Operator”
Me: *best Slovenian accent* ”zdravo, I am young porn aKtress luking for suGar DaDeee”
Operator: “Oh, hold for the President” *clicking sounds*
President Trump: “Hello?”
Me: *best Slovenian accent* ”PrezDent, I am Slovenian Porn Star LUking for aKtion”
President Trump: “Melania, I told u neVah to call me, I’m workin hard here, the HARDEST”
Me: *best Slovenian accent* ”PrezDent, I am Slovenian Porn Star warning of PANDEMIC”
President Trump: “A picnic.. I LOVE picnics.. a naked picnic???”
Me: *best Slovenian accent* ”PrezDent, a PANDEMIC coming soon, thousands will DIE”
President Trump: “What are you wearing, BABY”
Me: *regular voice* “Mr. President, a PANDEMIC is coming 100, 000 Americans will die”
President Trump: *heavy breathing* “Why don’t we get together baby”
I hang up *click* “MOOOTTTHHHEEERRR FFFFF!!” I whine in despair”

I set my date back to today and click GO
The world blurs for 20 seconds - nausea hits and I fall from my chair and I throw up a little.
My mom, startled, says, Oh, honey, are you ok??
Me: Yeah, I just.. gagged on a bite of waffle...
I put the phone in my book bag.

Author's Note

all comments welcome