The Escape

This is a story based on a dream I had. *Warning* It is a bit gory, so if you don't like stuff like that, it's ok, just gtfo :) Please don't comment saying it's gross unless that's a complement.

I tried to run, to scream, to do anything at all, but I was frozen where
I stood as the hideous man, no, creature, crept toward me. I felt the
terror run through me like the knife he held tightly in his left hand,
and above all, I smelt the stench of the room. It choked me as I
spasmodically tried to bring gulps of the fetid air into my struggling
lungs. In a panic, I began to stumble backward until I tripped over one
of my own burdened feet. My head hit the floor with a sickening thud
that temporarily blinded me as I continued backward, stars still
flashing brilliantly before my eyes and my head thumping with pain and
fear. I looked up when my vision returned and immediately wished I
hadn’t. He
was just before me now, and I could see the dark, metallic smelling
blood lapping at his torn leather boots, one of them with an enormous
hole in the front. His toenails where long and yellowed, jagged and
forced into strange angles, upwards and sideways, like little crooked
teeth. I sloshed backwards frantically, searching behind me desperately
for something to grab that I could defend myself with. I could barely
see in the dim cellar-like room. There was a staircase just behind me,
and all I had to do was reach it. I repeated this thought to myself over
and over again maniacally, becoming fraught with impatience. The man
continued to give chase, and each time I flailed his spine-chilling
smirk grew wider and more sinister, I was his prey and he relished every
second I spent trying in vain to make my escape. I tried not to look
down as I scooted back, each time causing more of a disturbance in the
thick liquid we were splashing through. I gagged as a
finger floated past and brushed my wrist, and I heard the squeak of a
rat somewhere in the eerie darkness beyond us. The psychopath  pursuing
me grinned so wide it was as if his own rat-like face would split, then
let out a high-pitched, whiny giggle. I stopped in shock at the sudden
noise. He was laughing at my struggles. I felt hot anger so abruptly it
was as if my very soul was blazing. I felt my face get hot, and my body
shook more uncontrollable than it had been. Searing tears welled up in
my eyes at the injustice of my situation. I was probably going to die,
but not without I fight, I told myself. I forced myself to my feet and
whipped around, catching my foot on the first wooden stair but quickly
regaining my balance. My hunter howled in rage as I bounded up the
stairs. Again I nearly tripped, and I turned to look over my shoulder,
like a fool. I was at the bend in the rickety staircase, and as the
boots tread heavily behind me, the very
wood bent and swung, straining to it’s limit, I feared, due to the
feeble chase taking place on them. I tried to continue, but I felt hot
breath on the nape of my neck before I could take another step. I tried
to clear the last step, but I was snatched up by my arm and thrown down
at the top of the stairs. My arm felt as if the very ligaments had been
torn, and I feared dislocation was eminent. Again, I was snatched up,
but by my other arm this time, and more violently. Much more violently. I
whimpered in pain, and I looked up. The monster before me grinned at
me, then wrapped his arm around my neck and lifted my left arm with his
other hand. He looked me in the eye, then looked to my arm and back,
before licking his lips. He grabbed his knife and nicked a small hole in
my skin just below my elbow. Then he gouged the blade in deeper, and
flicked it up, taking a chunk out of my skin this time. I winced and
closed my eyes, feeling more helpless than I
had ever felt. I could feel my skin starting to get wet, and a sticky
scarlet blanket wrapped my arm, flowing freely from the perforation in
my skin. The killer and I watched it, entranced. Then as a small drip
fell from my arm and plopped softly on the floor, two things happened.
First, the murderer leaned in to catch the droplet with his hand, and
two, I lifted my knee as hard as I could against his forehead. His knife
clattered to the ground as he began to fall, a red smudge from my pants
imprinted on his face. I knocked him toward the stairs, and he thumped
awkwardly down them. I leaped down the stairs two at a time, in a rage,
and jumped on top of his sprawled body, beating him in the face with my
clammy fists. I frantically looked about for a more effective weapon,
and all that was in our vicinity was an art pencil floating on top of
the wet floor. I slipped over to it and fumbled around until I finally
gripped it tightly in my fist. I scooted
back over to where the man was laying and blindly smashed the pencil in
to his head. It slipped constantly as my fists quickly became soaking
wet with sweat and blood. Hot tears fell from my eyes as I hysterically
tried to brain the slaughterer. I started to choke on my own breath and
frenzied giggles, then leaned back, and hugged myself, shaking
uncontrollably. My shoulders shook fitfully as I transitioned from
panicked giggling to sobbing uncontrollably. Flashes of my former life
flashed through my head before my tormented eyes, and I knew I’d never
be the same. When I finally got myself together enough to stand, I
looked up at the staircase, then down at the tepid blood-soaked floor
with the carcass of the man who had attempted to take everything away
from me. I looked around, calm now, and found something useful by the
back wall. A long cable was wrapped up and hung on a hook above a couple
stacked boxes. I rushed over and scared a rat, whom
squealed and scurried away behind a crate on the other side of the
room. I shuddered numbly to myself, then grabbed the cord from the hook
and turned around. The cord caught on the box under the hook and
overturned it. The box’s lid burst off and the contents of the box
splashed onto the concrete floor. An eyeball rolled over to me, pupil up
and staring glassily at me. My heart jumped and I grew faint, gripping
on to the box as I tumbled. I felt a hand slam down on to my shoulder
and I gasped, turning around quickly to defend myself. I looked down and
realized it was a severed hand that had fallen onto my shoulder. I
looked up and was reassured to find that my killer was still lying on
the ground in the same position as he had been when he first fell down
the wooden staircase. I breathed a sigh of relief and detached the cord
from the corner of the box. I stalked over to the corpse and poked him
with my foot. He did not move, so I rolled him over and
began the strenuous task of wrapping the cord around his limp body.
Once I finally finished I knotted it until it couldn’t knot anymore. I
pulled the cord as tight as I could. It dug into my hands, but I didn’t
mind. I pulled harder, so hard I was afraid it would snap with all the
pressure I was putting on it. Only then did I stop. I looked at my
handiwork. He seemed secure enough, so I started to trek up the stairs. I
reached the top of the stairs and looked over the balcony. The bonds
looked a little loose, but I figured it was just a trick of my eyes. I
turned around and reached for the door handle. The moment I grabbed the
handle I heard a scurrying in the basement. I rushed to the balcony and
looked over the edge. The bonds weren’t just loose, they were empty.

Author's Note

Ok you guys, what do you think? Please feel free to tell me any way I can improve my writing, comments and critiques are very helpful! I'm a new writer, so don't go easy on me, kay? Thanks, hope you like it! *Note* This isn't the only genre I write in, so don't narrow me down to one of those weird sickos, alright? This is just something I think is cool.

Reviews

[aspiringactress16]

hehehe darby you made me puke...well almost :P

[Allen Smuckler]

I agree totally with Zak...you have much to say...but it gets so chaotic and hectic, I can't catch up...If you want I'll give you examples or help edit as Zak has tried to do....but not in this venue...
allen
1st thing you have to do is reread your work and view the way it appears...If you're happy with the finished product...then let it stand...if not, make ALL corrections before posting.
That being said, This is a very creative passionate piece with terrific imagery that kept my interest throughout....

[Zak]

You've got wonderful prose, but terrible speed. You should separate your paragraphs out so there's more of a space, a terrible waiting for the end to come. You should do this most prominently right as she's running up the stairs and
he's
trying
to
catch
her.
See what I mean? Instill a sense of waiting fear into the writing itself and you have a much more effective tale.
I don't get why there are eyeballs and hands floating around this dark basement. O.O I mean it's kind of interesting...but is our killer a collector? Put those questions in our victims head, "why are there hands? It sickened me, but I was too frightened to stop." sort of a thing.
And the last part, where your murderer escapes, could you put in a little more suspense, like "Did He just...escape? Oh goddd...."
Oh and I like how dislocation is "eminent". It's famous. :D ( I know what you mean but it WAS funny.) Just fix it. You've got some drama here. Keep working on it.

[Rajwa]

Wow Not Bad Acually It's Well Described And Really Scary I'm Starting ToThink What kind of dream did u have OMG !! if i were u i may die from panicing when i wake up but well keep going AND OOH I'm A New Writer Too Plz Open My Profile N Read My Writing N Comment i Need It TOO >> :p

[Rajwa]

Okay I'll Read It Now N Comment Keep Going !!