Pills Basically.

Would like to apologise in advance for these super personal, depressive posts. This is one way to get it off my chest, I just hope it's a good read.

Please just give me something. I can’t keep drinking all this wine. I can’t keep coming here to talk to you. That stuff kills people, but i don’t know how to get through a day without it. I don’t know how to calm myself and find a place where i’m not under this constant pressure to prove to myself that i’m worth it. I need to stop setting myself these unrealistic goals, and I need to learn to separate my dreams from reality but it’s getting harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning as those same dreams get more vivid each night. I fall in love in my dreams which leaves me broken hearted until the night comes again. I’m very much distant, and I can’t always deal with conversation. My voice shakes when they say hello and that hesitation often kick starts a cycle I don't quite know how to escape from. When I was younger this feeling would tend to just be one of numbness with an apathy to live; now it’s a deep stomach wrenching sadness. I’ve grown up and i’m aware of more. Aware of how this talk would affect people close to me, how it would make them feel. Aware of the beautiful opportunity we’ve all been given simply being here. I just wish I was made aware of it earlier.