Meeting Mia

A Story by andrea rose

A story Narrative about a teen with struggling through the form of her diary.

“Diary Prologue”

I don’t know if diaries have prologues. Or even if I fully understand the purpose of having a prologue, but I figured you’d need some insight before jumping into my reality.

The doctors told me you would help. That you would help me come to terms with my own reality. So here. This is me, coming to terms with what happened. This summer, I went away. I lived with people in white scrubs that taught me to love myself. They gave me what I needed to get back on my feet again. They played Beyonce’ during lunch so that we could sing along and feel empowered to “keep going”. And at first, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to “keep going”. But the more time I spent there, in that place with the beautiful water fountain that they let you jump in on your last day before they send you off to “create-your-own-destiny”, the more I believed that I could. “Keep going”. And on that last day, when I finally got the chance to feel the clear blue water cascading down my face, I finally understood what they meant. To “keep going”. I wanted to. And I will.

That’s where you come in. I’m here to document my progress. The “creation of my own destiny”; in hopes to inspire others with my story. At least, that’s what they said it would do. And I’m rolling with it. So here’s to you, here’s to me, and here’s to the first step into my new life. Hopefully.

Sept 3

Today was my first day back. It was my first day in the high school, “freshmeat”, they calls us. But I don’t mind. At least I have a nickname. I’ve decided to make a name for myself, in the process of this whole create-your-own-destiny thing. So I’m okay with it.

I met new people in my math class today, they seemed really nice. Everyone seemed to forget what happened last spring. Except for some people. I caught a couple of weird looks from these girls in my 9^th period gym class, but that’s just because they saw it happen. Must have been scary. But I know that this year, I will prove everyone wrong. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror before lunch, and I finally didn’t feel it. I smiled, fixed my hair, and walked right into the lunch room. I’ve never been able to do that. I really have changed. I will keep going, and I will succeed.

Sept 5

Yesterday was a great day. I made friends with the new people in math class. It was great. I’m finally understanding the type of people that they told me I should surround myself with in order to feel my best. I’ve never had these kind of people in my life before. My parents have always been supportive, but they aren’t friends. These people are the ones that I can see pushing me to be “the best me I can be”. That’s all they said this summer. Is to surround yourself with people that push you to be “the best me that you can be”. So I am. It feels so good.

Sept 6

I saw her today. Ana. Ana is, well…

Okay. This is me coming to terms with my past, just like they said to do. And that’s what you’re here for. Right?

Ana ruined my life. I met her January of last year. We got very close, very quickly. She became controlling and consumed my whole life. She was what everyone wanted to be. Thin and beautiful. She had people wrapped around her finger.

I was one of those people.

I went from admiring her from afar to doing everything she told me to do. She decided what I did and when I did it. It was terrible. But at the time, I thought it was worth it. I wanted to badly to be like her and to have her approval, and I never got it. She just pushed me and pushed me and pushed me until the point that I hated every ounce of being. She made me disgusted with myself. She had that power over me.

I ended up in the hospital. That’s why I went away.

I haven’t seen her all summer; they never let me. And that was for the best. Without her, I am able to create-my-own-destiny. She no longer has control of my life. I do.

Sept 10

The weekend was boring, I basically just babysat James until my mom came home. It sucks that it’s just us nowadays. Even though James is 8 now, I am still responsible for doing all the work for him when mom goes out. She does that a lot. It’s annoying, but it keeps me occupied. Not much else to tell, besides the fact that I have plans with my math friends tomorrow night. We’re having a study group at the library. I’m excited. I’ve never done this before. I like having nice friends.

Sept 11

Cheer tryouts are this week! I wanna try out. I’ve always wanted to be a cheerleader. Ana always said that I wasn’t good enough to be one because I ate too much. But this year, I decide who I want to be. I can do anything I want to. So here I come, pep squad. GOOOOO PIRATES!

Sept 12

I saw Ana again when I was out with my family tonight. I was staring at my plate of 4 cheese Ravioli while my parents fought for my brother’s attention when she was with a new group of girls. She was ordering them around as if she was the ring leader of a traveling circus. That’s basically what she is. I mainly feel bad for them, and want to help. They don’t know what they are in for. But part of me misses that sense of belonging that she gave me. At least with her, I had reasons for the things I did. But those things were destroying me, they said. I can’t let her back in my life. So I just ignored it and tuned back into my parent’s conversation where they were arguing whether James was happier at my moms or my dad’s place. Divorce sucks, haha.

Sept 15

I made the cheer team!! I’m so excited, I’m officially a Galena High School Cheerleader! Practices start on Monday. One of the girls in my math class made it too. This will be so much fun. I’m feeling so good about myself lately. This is what they said would happen if I “kept going”. And I’m so glad I did.

Sept 17

I overheard Ana talking to her new friends about me being on the cheerleading team. She was saying that she was “surprised that someone with my cankankles managed to do that much cardio and not collapse.” She’s just making an example of me in front of her new friends. That’s how she gets girls to follow her; by building herself up and tearing everyone else down. I didn’t let it get to me, because I know that I am good enough. That’s what they told me. So I know it’s true.

Sept 20

I’m starting to get lonely again. I love my new friends and the cheer team, but I keep seeing Ana with all her new friends. Even though I know how she tortured me, they all seem so happy. They all feel beautiful. I want to feel beautiful again. Ana was the only reason I was able to feel remotely beautiful.

Sept 25

School is starting to get harder and harder to deal with. My math friends are all still very nice, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m starting to slip again. It makes me so angry. I won’t let Ana back into my life again. I know that it’s for the better, they told me. But I can’t help but think that even if I was to let her back into my life, I wouldn’t be good enough for her anymore. I quit on her. I’m a quitter. Why would she want me? I can’t follow through with anything.

Sept 30

I’m sorry I haven’t been writing, nothing really has been new. Cheer team is bearable. I see Ana everywhere I go. I’m not good enough to fix things between us. I won’t ever be. I’ll just be the one who “tried”. And didn’t succeed.

Oct 3

There was a new girl in my class today. She came up to me and sat with me at lunch. We talked the whole time. She asked about my family, the cheer team, even my favorite food!! Ana never asked about any of that stuff. She never sat with me at lunch either. But I think I really like this new girl. She makes me feel good about myself. I know I just met her, but I’m really excited to get to know her.

Oct 6

She came home with me today. We had so much fun. We sat in my room and talked about absolutely everything. From my crush on the 6^th period blonde boy in my Spanish class to what I wanted to do with my life. She is so easy to get along with. She really makes me feel like I matter yanno? No one has made me feel like that in a really long time.

Oct 9

She made me do something last night. She said it worth it, that it would make me feel beautiful again. She was staring at me through the bathroom mirror as I looked into my own eyes. I was trying to build up the courage to just do it. If it really was going to finally make me love myself again, why can’t I commit to it. She started to make me feel bad about myself. Not in the way that Ana did, though. Ana made me feel like I was never good enough. But this was different. She made me think that everything would be okay if I just did it. So I did. “Cleansed”

Oct 12

She’s been coming with me everywhere now. I don’t think it’s a bad thing though. She is so encouraging. She pushes me to become what I want to become. It’s just that some days, she can be so manipulative. But I know it’s only because she cares about me. She convinces me to do things because it will be better for me. She knows what I want to be, and she says these things are the only way I’ll get it.

Oct 15

James caught me last night. I was hunched over the toilet with my hands holding my hair and he came in. He started to cry, he thought I was hurting myself. I wasn’t. “Just not feeling well”, I told him. I held him in my arms until he eventually fell asleep. I don’t want him to be scared for me. She is only teaching me how to get what I want. I want him to understand that.

Oct 20

Things are starting to change. They’re for the better, she says. I quit the cheerleading team. She gets jealous when I hang out with other girls. She says that it’s not fair that shes “puts so much work into helping be what I want to be and I can’t even make time for her”. But I do. She comes home with me, everynight. I’m starting to get concerned about her. I feel myself slipping to a bad place again. It’s different than last time. But she says that’s because I’m not dedicated enough. She really is harsh sometimes. But that’s just because she loves me and wants to best for me. We have up and downs, but she is really the only person there for me. So I’m gonna cherish it.

Oct 25

I saw Ana for the first time in over a month today. She was still with her new friends. She tried flaunting it to make me miss her. But I don’t. I have a real friend now. I am better than her. Than them. I don’t give up. I’m finally becoming what I want to be, and that’s all that I care about.

?????????????

Nov 11

I woke up today with tubes in my mouth, restrained to a hospital bed. I never thought I’d be in this place again. I haven’t been able to write lately, they don’t let me. I just got all my notebooks back. They keep asking me what happened. I can’t put it into words. The last thing I remember is the cold tile floor pressing against my knees while she barked orders into my ears. My hand were barely strong enough to hold my hair back anymore, I was hunched over the toilet for at least an hour and a half at this point. She kept saying things like

“You don’t deserve to indulge anymore”.

“What makes you think you get what you want when you don’t listen?”

“No wonder Ana left you, you can’t commit to anything”

“Just do it, prove to me that you deserve to be thin”. “This is a waste of my time, you’ll never amount to anything”

Her words cut like blades against my already raging headache. My body had nothing left in me, but I wanted to prove her wrong. I didn’t listen today, so I needed to show her I had control. One last attempt. I feel my mouth become clammy as I stuck my fingers as far back as I could reach. One last cleanse. Then, it all went black.

Later

The doctors said I almost died. That if James didn’t find me when he did, my body would have completely drained of hydration and nutrients. My organs would have failed, and my parents would have found me lifeless on the floor of the bathroom where I spent so many nights. James saved my life, they said.

I’m going away, again. I won’t see her again, they said. Mia. They said I’m better off without her, and that with the help of the people in white scrubs and the Beyonce’ sing alongs, Mia won’t ever bother me again.

I don’t believe them. But hey, at least I’ll get to jump in the fountain again.

© 2016 andrea rose

Author's Note

Did you get who Mia and Ana actually were??

My Review

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Reviews

Matthew Quinn

This story is very interesting and using a diary is a good way to tell this story. However, in response to your note, I didn't get who Ana and Mia actually were. As I read the story it seemed like Ana and Mia were simply two unrealistically mean high school girls. I'm assuming you meant to imply that Ana and Mia were actually the protagonists insecurities and self-doubt. If you want to continue with that idea, I recommend that you make it more obvious throughout the story. However, I would recommend that you ditch that idea all together and work on building a more nuanced and real relationship between the protagonist and these "friends" in her life, and how that affects her. Instead of having these girls blatantly insult and belittle her, have them more subtly mess with her sense of self. Also, you should work on making the main character a more active participant in the story. Overall, however, this is an interesting story and you write in a unique voice. I would love to see what you write next!