The Nevers

The Nevers pile up like yellowed newspapers in a hoarder’s home threatening to 

topple over with the slightest vibration of my footsteps across the floor 

and bury me to desiccate like a mummy under the desert sand as with bated breath 

I weave my way around them carefully as if attempting to avoid waking a baby

I never asked much from life as it became clear rather early in my journey

there was no chance I would ever be happy unless I kept my expectations curtailed

my desires seemingly simple yet even they have proven impossible to realize

forced to settle for less and less until I cracked like the foundation of an 

old abandoned farmhouse, its plaster walls crumbling to dust, the protective paint 

flaked away, the wooden siding exposed to the elements now warped and rotting

no one able to recall who once lived there long ago kept warm within as it snowed 

in the winter and dry when outside rain poured during spring’s storms

just as I’ve given so much of myself to others over the years only to be left bereft 

More succinct than Poe’s Raven the wind whispers “never” through the windows

So many places I will never go, so much of this world I will never see

Never will I know what it is for a man I love to be madly in love with me

to hear him say so as the sincerity of his feelings overcome his fears

to be made love to with alacrity as if he wishes to possess every part of me

melding as a single soul for that fleeting but unforgettable moment of ecstasy

Never will I know the sense of safety of sharing a bed at the end of each day

Until I draw my last breath I will sleep alone due to my own faulty physiology

Knowledge I have long been denied I once sought someone to teach me only 

to learn such salacious secrets were never meant to be known by one such as me

At my end it will not be demons or ghosts waiting impatiently to cut the silver cord 

and claim my desolate spirit as it leaves my spent and broken body but the Nevers 

in my last hours which will gather together to taunt and haunt me