3:35 AM

11.15.17 *see 'Notes'

3:35 am

 

The clock is bullying me.

 

I was doing so well--

breathing steady, body still, not thinking,

but the bright numbers said "open your eyes"

and presented me with a word:

 

"QUEER"

 

I don't panic,

I just try squash it down.

Squash it down.

Squash it down.

 

It's 03:35. that's all...

 

But if you squint your eyes and the harsh colors blur

It certainly looks like something different.

 

QUEER

 

Hush, alarm clock.

No one is supposed to know.

Not yet.

Not even me.

 

~a.s.

Author's Note

I couldn’t sleep that night, thinking of all the boys and how much stress they’ve caused my heart and head (the good kind, and the bad kind). This wouldn’t have been the first time I toyed with the thought of trying something else. That night was different, instead of shutting it away, I just let it be. Sure, it was a little daunting, but it wasn’t bad. Weird.