an ugly truth

an ugly truth 

do not be offended 

or feel saddened for me .

i answered the call

more than once failing 

to please the dark .

i was asked 

do you know the shame 

you bring to your family ?

how hard it is for them ?

really now ?

what about me ?

have i not been to the end myself ?

this latest attempt was it not me 

that placed gun to head 

and so eagerly pulled that trigger 

with hope to end 

the pain that ruled me so ?

it made me mad .

the gun had failed .

by misfire '

did the dark 

gain command ?

giving sentence 

to live this miserable way ?

it was not the first 

nor may it be not the last

only time holds that answer

for i surely don't know it myself