Nowhere

A Story by ann marie

This is going nowhere.   Of course I understand it.  Of course.  Do I apply myself to it?  No, of course not.
I cannot.  Concentration is impossible, the figures and numbers pounding and hounding my head, filling it with confusion, a hurricaine of facts.  I do not like facts.  Facts are black and white, leaving zero room for expression.  So I leave the black and white, factual world-not physically, of course, for that would be a phenomenon I have yet to accomplish.  No, I leave it mentally, solely mentally, for I mussst maintain my   physicality in the world, I must hold this empty space.  If I let my physical self slip with my mental self, it will disintegrate and weather away like limestone in rushing water,  like white sand on a Pacific beach, the wind blowing me out to the cool blue-green sea, my thoughts becoming one with the waves as I think in a steady rhythm and the thoughts break onto the shore, morphing into ideas, actions…
But I am not one with the ocean, and my thoughts are not waves.  My thoughts never break to the shore.  They stay at bay.  My thoughts do not flow in a steady rythym and they are unbreakable, inexpressible…locked inside.
My waves are locked inside.