You could be Happy.

Since Friday, I've come close to losing my dearest friends. I've made myself miserable.

[ WIP ]

[ I wrote this, listening to "You Could be Happy" by Snow Patrol, and "Lacrimosa". ]

Once upon a time, there was you and me. We were happy, wild, free.  Nothing could touch us. But soon enough, everything changed.

I regret; with all my heart, everything I've done, everything I've said, everything I've thought, and every tear I shed. I feel sick inside, and I fear I've become a monster. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry.

As tears drip onto the wooden table, my hands shiver above the keyboard.

I don't know what to say anymore. With each progressing day, my laughter and happiness fades more and more. More and more pills disappear. Less and less words are said. The stinging pain below my eyes no longer hurts me. I cry at night.

Smile. Please, Lord, make him smile. He's in my prayers, Lord. God, help me save what's left. I'm losing everyone I care about. I've made this hard. I've made this worse than it was. I've complicated things to the point where I no longer understand myself or the pain I inflict on others. I've made thinking my enemy, rather then something that had saved me again and again. 

I lost my voice, and it's the least of my worries. I lost my smile, and I couldn't care less. I can't find my laughter, but it doesn't matter. With all I have left, I'm going to smile like nothings wrong; when everything is wrong. I'm going to talk like everything is perfect, when everything is far from it. I'm going to act like it's all a dream, when clearly my reality became my nightmare. And I'll pretend that all of this isn't hurting me. . . when it is.

All so you could be happy.

Author's Note

A throw together of thoughts. Poorly put together. I'm sorry.