The Document

The Document

A Story by Apryl Stark

“I want to plant every flower in a separate mason jar and call it my garden. Everyone living together within sight, but in glass. In the end we are all alone anyways. As beautiful as you bloom, you’ll wither just the same. Really, what was the purpose anyways. “


Before you partake in what we will refer to as “life” from here forward, I just want to enlighten you on what to expect and be prepared for. Most any question you could ask will be answered in some way or form. Afterwards, you will carry on and begin with what is told to you here as only lingering thoughts of possibility.

We are born as small not yet evolved versions of our later self. We have thoughts but don’t know a language to yet think them in. We satisfy basic needs of survival to the best we can and all in this process we grow. As infants we are like sponges that soak up every bit of detail and lesson presented to us. Such a small child is so eager to learn. We are taught to walk and talk in the way that surrounds us. We learn how to use our fingers and our limbs and teeth. Everything gets a name. Our eyes recognize colors as colors and shapes as shapes and with this we propel into the society that our predecessors built. We then go about childhood and learn the correct way to live. We learns manners, what to say and not to say to ensure that we are following the unspoken rules of society, how to do arithmetic and read books. All this is preparation for high school where we mostly learn the social levels of society. We are categorized and placed in our league and it is an unspoken truth that anybody rarely ventures out of their league. The prerequisites that position you in your league are simple: appearance and confidence. These two factors are what define you and position you in your role in society. You can fight to break the role, and some do and move up in league, but don’t be too hopeful. After we are categorized in society, we make a decision. Sometimes this decision is made for us, and it is to pursue higher education for thousands of dollars (this is a currency created by us to trade for goods, people kill people over it quite often), for another lump of your already school wasted life or to be thrown into a society created work environment where you can barely get a job to support yourself. This twisted decision is going to either mess up your life or f**k up your life, and yes there is a difference. Unless you come from a family where money is just money (money is just money to those with money. Money is life to everyone else) then you are caught up in the choice of going to school, getting in debt, but being able to have a somewhat mediocre job or just jumping right into work and hoping that eventually you will make enough to make your unhappiness at your awful job worth it. After this decision has been made and a few years has pasted, your life is stagnant. As a child, there was always something more to learn and see and do, and as an adult there may be something to learn and see and do but your house payments won’t allow that (a house is where you stay).  At some point in history somebody decided that we should reside in one place, and then someone later decided to sell these residential buildings. This created what is a called a payment. It’s what keeps you in place at work and at home because payments require money and money requires work. You can choose to not live in a house and avoid this payment, but society won’t allow it gently. Don’t even think about skipping a payment either because we as people have set up this very complex network of integrity that has no integrity that nobody understands and that is called the government. They rule you and your family and your money and have the power to do with all of those things what they please. We have a need to be controlled as people and developed this type of rule, and now we spend every day fighting it and pretending like we have a voice in the world. It’s mostly because we are stagnant. There are a lot of little decisions you can choose to make in this stagnant time period that includes choosing to move houses (this requires money), changing jobs (this can affect your money), traveling to see new things and experience the world you were brought into (this requires A LOT of money), and the biggest of all the decisions you can make is choosing to have children (this requires all of your money). You were a child once, remember? Now as you’re older you can choose to mate and bring a new life into the world that will get to deal with all the decisions, choices, and consequences blessed upon us when given life, just like you did. Upon making this decision you are dedicating your life to another unborn soul, as if you had control of your life to begin with. Your child will be born and brought up into society and learn the ways, just like you did. They will go to school and be taught what is right and wrong, then attempt to find a decent job, it’s all the same. As this all is happening, you are aging. You can no longer do the things you did as a child, you can’t see as well or hear as well. You’ll be frustrating to people, including your children, mostly because they have to take time out of their petty day to help you. Your children will have children and you’ll see them go through the cycle as well. You’re realizing it is all very repetitive. You’ll look back at old pictures of yourself when you were attractive and youthful and momentarily feel a pang of sadness that you’ve grown old, and then realize you were not happier in that picture than you are at this very moment. In fact, you may have been even less happy because inside yourself, even if you never admitted it, you knew that every day was a progression towards nothing. Then, inevitably, you will die. You will most likely be scared of this too, for an unknown reason, people have a hard time letting go of things even if it was only ever a burden. This process usually takes about 75 years. Some people are lucky and experience death prior to their natural calling, but most will have to wait.

 Now the real enigma is this: What is the purpose? Why are we given life if it is only filled with decisions that turn out good or bad based on luck or history, and regardless of that if it ends? If there is some greater purpose then whoever or whatever has done the humble doing of gracing us with life is an Indian giver and a prankster.

People have said that love in the reason that life exists (love is a feeling, it can elate you and bring you happiness you’ve never felt before, and it can also tear you and create an overwhelming feeling of sadness that most don’t recover from), so that everybody could experience it and to that I laugh. If love is the reason for life then it is more pitiful than I think. If somebody somewhere is gracing us with the utmost privilege of life so we are just so lucky enough to experience love then this joke just got even sicker than I originally thought. To be placed into a cycle of life to feel an emotion is cruel, especially since that emotion can wither someone as quickly as it made them bloom. Whoever once claimed this as an excuse for life could not have experienced the downfall of love, because if they had then they would know that as much as it is a reason to live, it is equally as much a reason to die.

Others relate it to a god or being that one day just created earth and made us in his image. The first people that he decided to place on earth immediately fucked up and the god decided to outcast them and denied them direct access to speak with him. Ever since then we are trying our best to live our life the way the unspeaking god wants us to and maybe someday we will be worthy enough for the god’s mercy. To live the life that the god demands is very difficult yet not impossible. He essentially asks for perfection but recognizes that we just simply are not as perfect as him and that this standard cannot be achieved, so he settles with us just praising him. The people that believe this also believe there is an afterlife that they call Heaven, and everybody who believed in the god and his son (he has a son; you’ll hear about him in life, I won’t trouble you with the story. There is a huge book floating around the world about him too, you can read it if you’re bored) will be welcomed into Heaven to live on streets of gold. The people who do not believe in the god or live their life the way he asks will be punished and sent to a place that they call Hell. The god was not as clear about Hell, but the overall assumption is that it is very hot and horrible with demons and spirits and just awful things. This theory is equally as stressful as the first with the looming thought that you may be progressing slowly toward a life in a fire pit, but if this makes you feel a sense of purpose then you’re welcome to join this clan.

If neither of these purposes of life suits your taste, there are tons of other ideas floating around that you can research and learn while alive. As people we have formulated many options for answering the question of what our purpose in life is so if you feel the need to answer that question too, then while alive you have a plethora of options to choose from.

The only remaining thing to say is the truth. I’ve described to you what you should expect out of life, and if you are graced with more, then I am happy for you and your luck. If you have the motivation and perseverance to attempt to achieve more then I hope that makes you feel better. Right now I will inform you that regardless of your luck, monetary stance, good deeds, or any other factors that will arise in your lifetime: it all has no purpose. In the end, you are not condemned to Hell or rewarded with Heaven. Your soul does not transcend into another body and you live a second life. You are a walking organ that is birthed, lives, and then dies. Somebody one day thought that a purpose would be nice and this idea was like a virus in the minds of many and soon to be everybody. Why we as people feel that we deserve a purpose, I am not sure. What I do know is that once you are born, you won’t remember what I’ve told you. You will initially live a basic life but as society catches you, you will evolve into a person. Just like all the persons before you that have read this very same thing, you will seek a purpose and mold your life around it. The truth will always be in the recesses of your mind and the thought will come every now and then, and your trained mind will push it down. Until the moment you die when it is perfectly clear to you again, you will strive for a meaning. Essentially, whether you do or don’t, it doesn’t matter. You mean nothing.


Good luck. 

© 2012 Apryl Stark

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Added on November 13, 2012
Last Updated on November 13, 2012
Tags: Life, origin, origins, purpose, god, belief, sci-fy


Apryl Stark
Apryl Stark

Seattle, WA