Whew! Long time no see!

A little catch up with me :]

Oh wow, so its been over 5 years since I've logged into this site. Sheesh, seems like a lifetime ago. I used to be such an avid, active writer. Funny how time and circumstances change that. 

Well, lets see: I have a son now! He turns 3 this summer. I moved a bunch of times over the past 5 years, literally to the top of the province to another province, all the way back down and finally coming back to our home city. Quite a journey. And then we moved another few times when we were in the city. Haha. Its all good now, though.

We're finally settled, been so for almost 2 years. My daughter is going into grade 5 this, holy! My husband came out as transgender and started his transition about 3 years ago (that in itself is a whole different story and one I'm not wholly comfortable sharing without the consent of my husband :] ).

The Covid-19 pandemic sure has been crazy, huh? How is it for you guys? People here have completely disregarded it like it never existed in the first place, despite professionals warning people its still there. It makes me sad, honestly. I get it, people, we want to go back to a normal life, we're all going nuts, stir-crazy; yet its still there. And trying to ignore it won't change that fact.

Writing: What can I say about it? I haven't done a lot, if any in the past 5 years. My drive to write has completely disappeared. The stories and characters are still there, yet each time I've tried to sit down and type away, I draw a blank. Its as if the fire in me to create the stories I once did has died out and I have no idea how to bring it back. Its kind of a hollow feeling, to know that something that used to bring me such joy now does nothing for me. As if a dear friend has died without any explanation or goodbye said.

I've picked at my old stories, tried to re-read them, to generate some sort of spark or encouragement; yet they feel like they were written by a different person, a younger and softer person. So I tried new stories, stories about vampires, demons, hell even Roman Legionnaires have been tried, magic, Elves. I recently sort of started to work on a story involving the four horsemen of the apocalypse and an Elven sage; its still in the very, very early stages. I may share it eventually, I don't know. 

If I had to be honest, my depression is more than likely the cause of my lack of writing. Its a condition I've fought and dealt with for nearly fifteen years, I tried to commit suicide then; ended up in the hospital getting my stomach pumped of pills that I had taken hours earlier. If you asked me today why I did it, I'd tell you it was because I felt powerless and unable to go on; the feeling has never left. You just learn to understand that these thoughts and emotions aren't exactly yours, and that you can rise above them.

Some days are harder than others, but I hold on. Life is funny and always full of wonder. You never know what each day will bring, so live each day to the fullest, laugh with and love those you deem worthy. Don't live for toxic people, be happy for yourself and live for yourself sometimes; you certainly deserve it :]

Shayla