a moment of planting

written for a contest. This was really hard for me to write. Hope it turns out okay. Please tell me what you think, and don't worry about being harsh!

I pick up the flowers and sigh, they’re beautiful.  So beautiful…

 

                "The flowers are beautiful,” I gushed, cradling my new treasure. We were on my porch, my parents had already taken their pictures and we’d been about to leave when he’d told me he had a gift.  I’d actually been freaking out about what he could have possibly have gotten since I had no idea how to react to first date gift-getting until I saw the flowers.

                 They matched perfectly with my pale pink dress.  How had he known which flowers to get me? These were my favorite. My absolute favorite.  They were Carnations, exactly like my corsage, except where those would wilt and die these would live and regrow for years to come.

                I’d been watching him long enough to know that he’d do just a about anything for someone else. The football captain who broke the clichéd TV stereotype; that never seemed to think about himself, but instead was the guy who was there for you before you even knew you needed him. They guy who pulled you up off the ground even when he was about to collapse himself, though of course he didn’t let you see that. It was what first pulled me too him.  That and his smile…and I just never thought I would ever be on the receiving end.

                “I’m glad you like them.” He grinned, his voice pulling me back into the present. He was dressed in a dark suit �"which he filled out nicely�"and that went great with his crisp golden hair and darkly tanned skin. Not to mention his radiant smile.

                I wish I had known that this moment was coming when I’d watched him despairingly in the school parking lot. It would have made that longing stab in my chest bearable, those nights alone in my room easier.

                I needed him to know how much this all really meant to me.

                “I love them,” I breathed. He blushed. I stopped smiling. Was I being too forward? Too obvious? Too fast? Too whatever it was that had made it too awkward for him to even look at me?  It would be just like me, to ruin this before it had even begun. I didn't have anything else to say, and neither did he. I needed to say something, to fix this, but all I could think about is how stupid I must look fiddling with my dress, my cheeks flaming.

                “We should probably get going." He said to break the silence, his feet shifting restlessly while he edged toward his car door.

                “Umm...yeah.” I grimaced as I set my flowers gently on the porch table before scurrying after as fast as I could in high heels, and without looking stupid. I slipped inside the car as he slid in smoothly beside me. I wanted to slump down in my seat, except slumping in a dress with such a tight fitting bodice looked really awkward, not to mention unattractive. So I settled with just letting my head smack against the back of the seat.

                This night was not going as planned, and couldn’t stop myself from thinking that maybe it had been a mistake. I heaved a sigh. This was going to be a disaster, I just knew it. He’d probably only asked me to prom out of pity anyway. I mean, why else would he ask me?  I was nothing special; just a short, skinny girl with freckles and shoulder-length auburn hair.  I wasn’t the flawless blond cheerleader that guys like him usually got dates with. My chest felt heavy and my eyes were cloudy as I stared out the window, wanting very much too just vanish on the spot so I wouldn’t have to deal with all this disappointment anymore.

                But then I felt something brush against my hand. I looked down just as his hand was returning to the steering wheel. He looked over at me and smiled reassuringly, and the corners of my mouth twitched in response. The weight in my chest felt lighter, and I found myself sitting up straighter in my seat, my heart pumping with renewed anticipation.  I may have even cracked a small, hopeful smile.

                Tonight might turn out to be the best night of my life after all…

 

                They might be the best flowers I've ever planted.  Carnations that dance with evening pink, light and delicate; yet brilliant as the sun, luminescent in their beauty.  Carnations  had been my favorite, ever since I first laid eyes on them. It was because of them that I loved planting flowers so much. To me they were an emblem of life. Radiating with vivacity, so pure you can almost taste it. They bloom so bright yet whither so quickly. The most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen and you blink; and then they’re gone.

                I take a deep breath as I pick up my shovel.  Position is vital. They need to be somewhere where they will be safe from the elements, but also somewhere where they can absorb the sun.

                I’ll put them here, I decide.  My hands caress the soil…

 

                “We’re here,” my date said, parking his car. I drew in a sharp breath. The ride here had been, alright. We hadn’t exactly had a stellar conversation, but I was mostly just happy that I’d managed to talk without sputtering.

                The part I loved the most was the car though, or rather, the way it smelled; like popcorn, warm and buttery. I had no idea why, as his car was pretty much spotless except for small jacket and coloring book that probably belonged to his little sister. For whatever reason all of this calmed me down and gave my body a chance to breathe, which it desperately needed.

                Only now we were here, and everything came rushing back. My chest felt constricted and my hands felt clammy as they nervously gripped the car door. This was the moment I'd been dreaming about all year, but it has always seemed out of reach. Only now it was here, waiting for me to step inside. But I didn’t feel like my most desired fantasy was in front of me, but rather a large,  towering black gate that sent chills down my spine and filled my head  with discouraging notions. What if it wasn't everything I'd hoped it would be? What if something, everything, went wrong? What if Jake decided he doesn't want to see me again after tonight?

What if...

                I looked at Jake. He stared down at me, eyes full of concern. Maybe he could sense my doubt because he reached down and gently slipped his hand in mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

                “Audrey,” he said gently. And that was it. I looked into those glorious blue eyes, and all my fears, all my hesitation, melted away. I wrapped my hand around his.

                "Are you ready?” I said in a mock serious voice, locking my gaze on him, "to enter the most clichéd and emotionally insane moment of our high school experience?”

                He feigned indecisiveness, and then his eyes glittered. "Let the fun begin.” he answered as he pulled me to my feet, his fingers entwining with mine…

 

 

                I should begin.  I take a deep breath, fighting my doubts. I need to do this, before I lose my nerve.

                Silly girl. I tell myself, they’re just flowers.

                But I know it’s much more than that. It’s the moment that will define everything.  If I quit now…no, I have to finish this.

                I sink my little hand shovel into the earth...

 

                He sunk the spoon into the punch bowl, pulling up the delicious cherry red liquid.

                “For you.” he said, bowing slightly.

                I gave him a scathing look. “How chivalrous, giving a girl punch that could totally ruin her jewel-incrusted dress.” He pretended to wince, as though my rejection for fruit punch had come as a personal blow. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, or punch him in the arm. We’d gotten to the dance a little late, and he’d led me around the groups of people to the refreshment table at the far side.

 

                "If you won’t accept my chivalry," he said with masterful mock solemnity. “Will you at least let me ask you to dance?”

                I smiled flirtatiously. “Of course you can ask me.”

                “Audrey,” the way he said my name sent tremors down my spine. “May I have this dance?”

                "No," I responded as I turned my body away from him slighting, folding my arms and sticking my nose in the air, but my playful smile gave me away.

                He grabbed my hand. “Too bad.”

                “Jake,” I protested, but I couldn’t help giggling. He reeled me close to him and placed his hands on my hips. The protests died in my throat.

                “Yes?” he prompted. I pressed closer to him and wrapped my hands around his neck.  The flickering lights did interesting things to his appearances in the dimness. The colors caught in the curves of his features and made it seem like he was glowing, life given a physical representation on his face.                “Thank you,” was all I said, but it was enough.

                A song passed, and then the next.  We talked. We laughed. I felt myself being carried away in the music, in his arm. I was…happy. I hadn’t realized how much I’d been longing for a moment like this. So simple, yet brilliant; on fire. No more pretending.  No more lies. No more wondering and wishing. Only the truth, a chance, and a possibility…

                One I intended to take.

                The music changed, finally abandoning the energetic, blaring songs that had been playing all night. This one was slower, softer. Everything slowed down to match it, except my heart. I could feel the heat of his skin, and his heartbeat, pulsing under my fingertips. My blood raced under the thrill of his touch. I looked into his eyes, and I saw my feelings mirrored there. He lifted one hand and tenderly stroked my cheek, so gentle…

 

 

                I stroke the flower's petals. They’re soft, smooth and vibrant beneath my fingers. The small hole that will be their new home is done, but I’m not ready to relinquish them to the earth just yet. There’s something else I want to do.

                I lift them to my face, inhaling their sweet, uncorrupted fragrance...

 

 

                We stepped outside. I breathed the crisp, cool, night air. It was slightly chilly, but the good kind. The kind that made me feel awake, and ready for anything. It was a perfectly clear night, and even the stars seemed brighter than usual.

                Jake led me towards the balcony. He started to say something, but I interrupted. “Thank you,” I said again, “for everything. Tonight has been amazing.”

                “It has," he agreed. I was suddenly aware of how close we were standing, so close that I couldn’t help but notice the way his hair curled at the back of his neck and the way his cheeks crinkled as his lips turned up in a small smile. He lifted his hand and stroked my cheek again. I closed my eyes, my breath coming in shuddering gasps.

                “But I have one regret.” I froze, and my eyes snapped open. I was sure I knew what he was going to say next; that this had been wrong, a mistake. I felt tears forming behind my eyes. I was going to cry, right here in front of him, my unrequited love once again...

                “Why didn’t you tell me how you felt sooner?” He said.  “We could have been together all year.” I blanched, hardly daring to believe, but he was serious. He wanted me. He wanted to be with me.

                A faint smile played on my lips and I felt a brief fluttering in my chest while my heart stuttered back to life.  My entire body felt lighter. But I didn’t allow myself to revel in this just yet, I had to answer his question first. The trouble was, I didn’t know how.

                “I don’t know.” I sighed and turned towards the sky, my hands clasping the railing. “I was scared, I guess.”

                “Scared,” he repeated. “That…?”

                “That you wouldn’t…you know, like me back.” I winced at how cliché that sounded. But really, what else was I supposed to say? He seemed taken back, and if I wasn’t in such an emotional roller coaster at the moment I might have actually rolled my eyes this time. He was so clueless about how truly gorgeous and amazing and breathtaking he really was. It was adorable, and sweet. So sweet that I almost cried again, which was weird since I was about to explode from excitement. But then I was also feeling kind of vulnerable, and�"confused. I guess that was all part of emotional roller coaster thing.

                He placed his hand on my cheek. "Audrey” he whispered. “I really, really, like you.” Then he leaned in, gently pulling my face towards his. I couldn’t think, but my body reacted for me, anticipating the moment I had longed for so hard and often it had become ingrained.

                He pressed his lips to mine. The kiss sent a thrill through my body stronger than anything I had felt all evening. Everything I’d felt this past year coursed through me. Every desire, every longing, every despairing wish. Every loving, adoring thought.

                Finally, was all my mind and body could manage. Finally…

 

 

                Finally. I say to myself, for at least the tenth time. But still I don’t move. It shouldn't take me this long; I should have done it already.

                But once I take them out, I can never put them back.

                Get a grip. I tell myself firmly. They're just flowers.

                But I’m not doing a very good job of listening to myself.

                It’s funny how something as simple as planting flowers can become something so complex. Something that taxes my strength, my emotional reserve. Something that’s become a choice, where one decision  might lead me forward, the other will invariably hold me back.  And it’s hard, one of the hardest things I’d done,�"or am trying�" to do.

                This is my last connection, the other side pleads, once it's gone... but it doesn’t matter. It has to be done.  I put aside my despairing notions and pull the flowers free...

 

 

                I couldn’t believe the night was actually over as we pulled out of the parking lot and joined the throng of people who had actually stayed to the end of the dance. I’d thought the night had flown by after that moment with lightning speed. Yet, none of it had slipped through my fingers.  I could recall every second with perfect clarity.  Every emotion, every thrill I’d felt swirled around inside me, my body filling the gaps that my mind could not. I was exhilarated.

                I had come here with hopes, expectations, doubts, and fear. But now, now all I felt was warm and bubbly and overflowing with happiness from my past and for my future. The person who had arrived here tonight was not the person that was leaving now. I was new, reborn, and more alive than I had ever been in my entire life. My gaze strayed toward Jake. My first love, first kiss, and the reason this change had occurred in me. All my dreams, my wishes, my longing fantasies; could never have captured what it truly felt like to be with him, to finally have him. Everything that had once kept us apart now pulled us together. This night had truly been unforgettable, and now I looked toward a new dawn, a life of endless possibilities. I glanced over at him, and found he was looking at me, just for a second. The briefest of seconds.

                But one second too long.

                “Jake!” I screamed, glancing past him to where a car was swerving widely, driving on the wrong side of the street, and coming at us like a bullet.  Jake tried to veer out of the way, but it was too late. I closed my eyes, and in the one final moment I had only one thought.

                Goodbye…

 

 

                Well, this is goodbye. I can’t believe how  dramatic I’m being. But then again maybe I’m not being dramatic, maybe I’m being real.

                This is your last connection... The voice says again, and this time I listen.

                I can’t do this, I can't...

                But I have to do it. I just…have too.

                My hands shake, fighting it.

                This is my final moment, the friction point, where everything hangs in a balance.

                And now every cell in my body is trying to prevent it.

                But I’m stronger.

                I plop the flower into the ground. To most ears, the resulting sound would have been almost undetectable.

                But too me it’s as loud as a crash…

 

 

                Crash. Headlights blinding me. I am thrown, a force of a thousand winds pressing against me. I collide. Glass shatters. We tumble. I am screaming. Lights, darkness, chaos, wind…. I can’t think...

 

                I dig the shovel into the dirt and slowly lift it toward the flower…

 

                More lights. I hear voices, screaming, not my own. I fight the darkness...

 

                The soil slides into the empty space, the sound filling my ears…

 

                Now there are sirens. People shouting. Someone is crying. I try to move, but I’m too weak. Hands find me. I try to speak but I can’t. I am being lifted…

 

                I add a second scoop…

 

                My head throbs, but things are becoming clearer. I am on a stretcher. I try to sit up, but something is holding me down. I squirm, forcing my body to the side, where all the commotion is coming from. Black spots cloud my mind and threaten to pull me under, but I resist. Around me is confusion, people, light. I can see the crash. See where the truck rammed into the side of Jake's car.

                Jake.

                I can't find him. I become nervous, then panicked.

                Jake.

                Jake, please...

 

                Slowly, I begin to fill the space…

 

                "Up you go," a voice says. I am lifted into the ambulance. I see another stretcher, this one surrounded by people, and blood.

                The ambulance doors close...

 

                I am halfway done. It’s now routine, one steady motion...

 

                I am in the hospital. Waiting. Pacing. Not knowing. Despairing.

Hope is fading fast...

 

                The soil closes around the flowers roots, insulating them. Protecting them.

 

                I am by his bed, watching as his shallow breathing becomes shallower, as his failing heart fails faster.  Sweat glistens on his pale, ashen face. He seems to be clenching his hands into fists at his side, though I know there is not that much strength in him, there can’t be.  He takes one last shuddering breath, and then stops. I can still hear the feeble beating of his heart on the machine, clinging, though it must know the battle is lost. It is fading. Fading. Gone.

                His palms open up, his fingertips falling at his side, slowly, until finally, everything is still.

                Tears slip down my face. Pain takes over. I succumb to darkness...

 

                I pour in the last scoop. It is done. I stand up, contrasting emotions swell inside me, overwhelming, but I don't give in.

                It is beautiful, the fleeting beauty that comes only once. The one you can’t hesitate to grab on to because once you do it will be gone.

                The carnations sway lightly in the breeze. The beginning of a new life, a new possibility.

 

                I pick up my tools and walk away.

                And the memories stay buried behind me.

 

Reviews

[-Not Found-]

While reading this I was already thinking, "He's going to die." And I was right. I love the setting though, how it switches back and forth from prom and her replanting her flowers. Gives a very interesting feel to the story. I also liked how everything was interconnected by flowers because it's true, when someone gives you flowers you don't want them to wilt away because the're pretty and carry the memory of that person. Overall I just really liked the feeling it gave.
-YE

[Meg Craft]

This is so beautiful! I can hardly describe how amazing this is! I don't think I can find just the right words. I'm almost in tears! I connected, I felt, and now I feel so overwhelmed! I love the flow of the story and how the past and present are put into the story! Wonderful, wonderful job! Keep writing!

- R.E. Imfeld

[Jasmine Thousand]

This was probobly one of my favorite short stories, I hope you win the contest!
~Jasmine Thousand~

[Sakib]

Really nice!! This story has a good depth. Characters are good. Good writing.

[Grace Catherine C.]

I absolutely loved this, it's beautifully written and so emotional and tearjerking, you did an excellent job!

[TheElfPrincess]

I enjoyed reading this story. It had good characters, was easy to read and was very interesting. Well written, I liked it.