The Guys I've Loved Before

List of names of my former flames and brief descriptions each. :)

Marjon was my first grade crush

To see him play, I'd be in rush

I liked his smile and wits between

Too bad he liked my friend Regine.

Gerald's the boy who played board games

Proud, arrogant; I called him names

Choc'lates, roses, "Will you be mine?"

I turned him down that Valentine.

Ahl was famous, he lived next door

He gave letters, laughters, and more

Handsome and smart; he was okay

Two weeks later, he showed up gay.

Kenneth's charming, first love was he

We were so sure we're meant to be

Ours was magic, thrilling, and fun

We knew too late the spark was gone.

John's my senior and brother true

He loved me, oh, he loved her, too

Our sweet affair, the saddest bye

Last time we met, he watched me cry.

Patrick's a jerk, the worst of all

Heaven of hell, song of my soul

Of love's mem'ries, his was the best

But he broke me, just like the rest.

The glorious past of former flames

Unfolded by this list of names

When love's a risk, when love's a chance

I'll take a look, I'll take a glance.

Author's Note

I don't know if the last stanza added to the effectiveness of the poem. Also, I had troubles with punctuations. Can you tell me if I used excessive and needless commas? And how do you find the poem? Thank you so much! :)

Reviews

[OTownPete]

When we are young the search for love can be like an inviation to a smorgasbord and not everything we sample tastes good! Your friend in words, Pete

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Yes, I'm looking forward to tasting a delicious meal soon. Thanks for dropping by. :x

[MikeV]

This was beautiful Blue! I imagined each one that you wrote about
and thought wow they're explained so well.
Through a wonderul rhyme scheme aswell!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

At first, it took me a great deal of time to summarize each love story into one stanza. Thanks a lot, Mike! I look forward to reading some of your writings soon. :)

[James Foley]

All right, you're a great writer, Blue. I believe that your verses are immortal and will stand with the best of history. The relaxed wit of these rhymes contrasts astonishingly with the intense speed and passion of your unrhymed moth poem. Both are great but very different.
BTW, your blue-winged coat-of-arms image is beautiful too, Blue.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much for being one of the most constructive reviewers I've ever had. :) You have no idea how much your compliments mean to me (especially as a budding writer.) Butterflies are astonishingly awesome, don't you think? I'd like to be a blue butterfly if I were to return to Earth as an animal.. :) Thanks again. ;)

[KAOlmsted]

Very clever. I like the last stanza, and as far as commas...meh...it's your baby, you pause it where you like. Thanks so much for sharing this with us.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much for this. I appreciate this very much. :x

[KAOlmsted]

My pleasure...

[Joyce S. Greene]

Hi, Blue. This is a delightful poem and I enjoyed reading it. It is very heart-felt and has a nice cadence. I think the last stanza ties the rest together well. Because of the structure of your lines, almost all of your commas are necessary. The only unnecessary one I saw was inthe line, "Ours was magic, thrilling, and fun". The comma before the "and" is not needed. And perhaps the comma after roses in the line "Choc'lates, roses, "Will you be mine?" could be eliminated. But it's all up to you, Blue. I write a lot of tanka which is a form that uses a minimum of punctuation and very few capital letters. You have written a very good poem. Keep writing!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Wow, Joyce. Such great compliments from you!!! I appreciate this very much. :) Anyway, I tried to be strict in this poem. Each line has 8 syllables. Also, I put commas before the "and' because in formal writing, there should be a comma after every item in a series. Modern poetry doesn't follow such rules, I know. :) Once again, thank you for your constructive review. Feel free to send me RRs. Take care. :)

[Joyce S. Greene]

You're welcome, Blue. I'm not an English teacher though I did study English at one time. Poetry is so subjective and grammar rules are less important than how the punctuation makes your poetry sound and feel. Just go with the flow. Have a good day. :)

[Joe Palmer]

Can relate to this a lot. Has real charm and a great flow to it. Great read!

[Joe Palmer]

Related to it with previous girlfriends may I add, not guys that I've loved before. Not that it matters.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Hahaha. Thank you so much, Joe. I had read few of your poems and I like them. Keep on writing! And please feel free to send me RRs. You take care. :)

[Pryde Foltz]

I think we have all been there, and been there.... This was a clever and engaging write, Blue.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Pryde. ;)

[ms. barrie]

I personally enjoyed the last stanza, i feel it validates the whole entire piece. That said, i truly enjoyed the lyrical rhyming of this poem, and fluidity. I also feel that although this tends to depicts heartache,
the use of each of these guys names, adds a bit of whimsy. I thoroughly enjoyed this poem, as far as punkuafucktion, i personally just use my instinct. Amazing write, thank you for sharing :)

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much, Barrie! I was thinking not to reveal their identities but when I tried to write their names, I was liberated. I feel like I had conquered my demons. :)

[ms. barrie]

You welcome, it's great isn't? That feeling of purging out all
Those icky feelings, it's very liberating indeed. Heartache is wonderful
Inspiration for writing, glass of wine helps too :) - I enjoy your
Writing style, pen on!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

A million thanks! :-)

[ms. barrie]

And a million welcomes back at you :)

[Soul Cemetery]

absolutely loved it. dont give up writing or on men!

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Hahaha. Actually I'm on the verge of giving up on men. Let's see if someone comes and changes my mind. :x

[Lydia Shutter]

I'm sure my long lost loves would fill more than a few stanzas of a poem...and not sure I would admit to them! LOL There is an endearing innocence in your words....such honest expression of emotion. Love is always a risk, no doubt, but it is also worth it. I don't think you have too many commas or periods in this poem. Often with poetry, it is a matter of the poet's taste. Sometimes I use all lower case letters and no punctuation. Other times, I add the upper case letters and punctuation. I enjoyed your poem. Lydi**

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Thank you so much for your comment, Miss Lydia. :*

[Dye]

This is a great idea....I would run out of paper if I made my list. lol. I agree in the last stanza, not necessary but it doesn't hurt there either. I would have almost preferred that two lines to read more like this;

When love's a risk, I'll take a glance
I'll take a look, I'll take a chance

Almost like, regardless of past experience you're still going to look for love. Just a thought. I do like it how it is.

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

Nice idea. :) That could've been better, too. :)