You Wanted More

Written after a boyfriend told me they loved me way too soon and wondering if I, myself, am actually capable of love.

I can say ‘I love you’ all I want

But those words so often thrown out

Carry no weight and have no meaning for me

It is the little things that say ‘I love you’

Without actually uttering those three words

That really show love

“Drive safe”

“Did you eat today?”

“Let me know when you get home safe”

“I’m here if you need me”

“I am so happy you exist”

Those three words are spoken so often

Often running past our lips as quickly as spilled milk

And usually, like spilled milk, making a mess of things

Besides, how is someone like me supposed to know what love is anyway

Something so confusing and abstract

How am I supposed to know if I even have the capacity to love another person

As I push away nearly everyone close to me

And prefer to be alone

Finding peace and contentment in my solitude