Undone

A poem about trauma and PTSD, including symptoms like self blaming and hyper-vigilance.

It’s been a long time

But I am still affected by you

Your smirk haunts me

Eats away at me

It is the face of someone who sees no wrong in their actions

Does not ask for forgiveness

Because what reason do you have to feel sorry

When you aren’t

You were simply taking what you felt was rightfully yours

Dominating me, flaunting your power

Taking away my voice

All with that sickening smirk of yours

Because of you I feel unsafe when I am alone

Even in my own home I fear the idea of you

And all it is that you represent

As you taught me that you could live here too

In my school

In my home

In my thoughts

In my dreams

Nowhere is safe

My family defends you with their silence

Placing the blame on me

As if it is my burden alone to bear

Crushing me under the weight of unanswerable questions and cold accusations

Things I should not be hearing

As if you are the victim and not me

Again I am violated

Everything working against me in unison

Stripping away my security

Again, stealing my voice

Leaving me raw and vulnerable

Powerless to stop you or anyone else

I am left to the wolves

And they come to take me

Destroying what was left of me

After you took all that you could carry

It has been years and I am still crippled by the mention of your name

Winded by the appearance of that smirk in my dreams

Was it my fault?

It couldn’t be

But sometimes deciphering fact from fiction is difficult

When everyone hands your copies of fiction

And preaches it as true

So I fight this alone

Struggle in silence

Unable to call out for help
As I lie sobbing and broken for days

Though I have taken back my voice

And vow to speak up for those like me who are still missing theirs

Reviews

[xoxo]

As someone who as experienced waves of PTSD this hits home. Even when the bad days seem to cease, they can still sneak up on you. Another good read, as heartbreaking as it is.