Paradoxical Mind

A Poem by Astrodon

Questions I could never answer

Now allow me to explain something, recently I have become aware that I am depressed but simultaneously comforted by the very things that bring me sorrow. It is quite a fascinating paradox which has brought many questions to my mind. The first of which being, Do I yearn for solitude? This question has never brought about any concrete conclusions; I often find myself in my room, sifting through the endless knowledge offered up by all of mankind both young and long since forgotten. From it I have found a peace that most are unable to grasp through life spanning centuries; however, I feel that I have also brought about a cold objective truth that many are able to die never having felt the pressure of. The beauty of awareness and the bliss of ignorance clash in an ceaseless battle in my mind, neither ever gain any ground and neither surrendering a single inch. Because even as my mind drifts through it’s boundless curiosity, the knowledge of man is constantly expanding. Resulting in what would appear to be a deadlock that will last until my death. With this comes my second question, Do I continue to struggle on with what i know is futile because i have an unquenchable desire to understand truth; or because i am simply afraid of dying never having understood anything about the only tangible reality i will ever be given? This is something that i believe will weigh on me until my final breath is drawn, as i know that my life and ultimately all life in the universe will ultimately be drawn into a meaning holding no significance to the universe as a whole. Yet I firmly believe that from my own experience i can bring forth a meaning that is beautiful and wholesome. An objective that can be reached and from that draw forth the satisfaction as having played my part as a human being; though ultimately it will only impact myself. But do my ideas conflict, or simply coexist? I suppose that’s up to you to decide. I Don’t believe i can ever truly reach an answer myself, as each day forms a new thought and from it a new reality.