I’m Weak

In the last year
I thought about running my car into the divider
I want to go neither left or right

There are days I lie awake
Wondering if I stop breathing
What would be the first words out of your mouth

I can give
I can give
But, what the f**k do I ever get in return?

I finally spoke to my mom for the first time and did not feel genuine anger
Is this my life?
Waiting years to find the answers to my questions

All I want is myself back
When days were long
The aroma of paint was potent
Rieslings
And the smell of cigarettes