Death of Grandparent

Farkas 42-23

Louis Farkas 1942-2023

Louis in my life was a negative force in every presence around him from when I was ten or eleven. Mother chose to not to baptist into the family catholic faith. She in my understanding wanted for us growing up to have a choice, a path that we choose. If religion in the catholic faith or any other belief in todays world was for us to decide alone and never to be forced into a life. I have so much respect for my mother in her choice to not project or force a religion upon us as kids. The choice and openness led me to learn, discover, read and seek out my own answers to life. I learned to accept in all faiths, cultures, races and ideas. Having a childhood growing up with this idealism has shaped myself into the person I am today. When a human is growing up without the influences of faith or programmed ideas, you remain open, observant and developing a will to learn history and life. Mother never judged, had strong opinions on our intellectual mind as a child.

This ideology created a vacuum among the catholic family faith. Louis disowned our family until we were around ten or eleven. He was spiteful, angry, full of hate and confusion. Louis was a blue collar worker who lived his life in the skilled trades working at the General Motors factory his entire life. The old country heritage of following faith blindly with no choice is from his roots of being a immigrated family from Hungary Europe. This life is a new concept. Mother is very intelligent, chose her own path, independent and thoughtful person. This angered him to the point he could not express himself or find common ground. He distanced himself and our family. He is a man of few words, built from hate. He was a bigot, a racist, and generally a person who Is blinded by progression of humanity.

We were allowed to meet the family after my grandmother Francis begged and forced him to allow us to be part of the family. Francis was a saint, one of those humans who cared so much, did not judge and wore her heart on her sleeve. I cared deeply about her and her welcoming us as family. Louis remained bitter, defeated and grew angry. His cold heart of a life stuck in bigotry, disappointment and general distaste created a empty shell of a human. He would never say a word to myself, treated us as if we are below him as humans. I never tried to talk to him nor even try. As a outsider you learn to observe his behavior and he was just their. Frances is and will always be the only reason I visited or felt excitement to visit the family. We played cards, drank together, argued and she always treated me like a friend rather than a family member. I always respected her so much. She knew how to work a crowd and had such a positive force wherever she was at the time. Her love for sports were a common bond between us and I loved her abrasive, foul mouthed attitude. She was real and genuine.

When Francis past away. Emptiness and any connection I felt with the family left my soul. She was the only reason I made a effort to talk to Louis. Her and I would go outside to escape from the family at functions and smoke a cigarette together. I do not smoke but I would pretend to smoke with her or bring a cigar to enjoy alongside her. Francis would tell me stories of when Louis was good and full of life. She in the end sorta gave up and was happy. Louis was incredibly negative, his negativity overshadowed everyone. Family was on edge, always tried to please him and would side with his bigotry and hate. Never understand why no one stood their ground to his dark shadow. My mother did the very thing, she carved her own way. Never bent to his control, hatred and anger. She forced happiness and kept a positive attitude. My mom is a saint just like Francis, She still remains non judgmental and never lets anger or emotions effect her. I know she is effected inside but, her saint qualities allows her to hide this darkness that Louis overshadows.

The funeral to myself was a relief of the overshadowed darkness he radiated and some part of myself saw a fading of the cloud of grey that was his life. I was not sad but more pleased he passed. I could not bring myself to grieve or feel a loss. He always meant nothing to me and I refused to allow his shadow to hide my sunshine and positive outlook. I felt joy, a burden lift from myself and my mother. The priest talked about his love at the service and the entire time I laughed. He had no love. He was a angry human and presented as sadness. The lesson I learned from him is to never become alike him as I age and grow. When Francis was talking to me about the times of happiness and how he was creative made me more aware to never stop growing as a person. Never stop understanding, never stop growing to be better and to always stop and remove myself in situations and think about how I can be a better person to make the best positive impact on a persons life.

The amount of dark shadow this man projected affected so many people. The family is at odds, fighting and can no longer come to agreements, the family still is projecting his solitude hate, and judgment. I hope the family can be refreshed and come together to love one another. Become a force of life, respect and understand we all are unique and deserve respect and dignity. I fear myself distancing myself from the family. I lived the last thirty seven years with this shadow in my existence and hope one day the family can heal and be better all the while recognizing that this is the direct cause and effect of a hate fueled human.

-CCR