Crippled

Crippling thinking about something to write, every idea is followed with thoughts of judgment, self-egoistical, complaining and or attention seeking. The mind has a path and confronted with immediate negative critiques, leaving you incredibly empty. Paralyzed to the thoughts of death and nothingness. The words no matter what is read or words typed will always lead to humanities hate. Leaving oneself staring at a blinking curser in a state of complete frozen frustration. The side so called friends will give s**t advice stating some positive motivational phrase found in a single woman with three kids and reliance to dramatic past relationships wall hanging with s**t candles from the dollar store. Live, Love, Laugh or some bullshit found feel good purchase while out with friends after their 7^th breakup of the year. I love him, No your wrong, you love his abusive mind f**k games of manipulation. Your comfort as you grew up engraved, this is okay and normal. Your s**t family had no f*****g anger to help and sat on the side living as a mindless f*****g zombie. Then your entire life is only of understood, learned abuse. When this person is unhappy, s**t purchased, quoted boards ae purchased to better yourself as you prance around telling everyone. The year of myself, f**k guys, f**k this, and its all about my happiness. Two days later, your drunk, in denial, crying, submitting the very life you complain. Find yourself, making excuses for s**t f**k boys, losers, uneducated a******s. You actually f*****g hate them and run back, love his abuse as the life reminds you of childhood comfort. You negate everything that makes you happy as the w***e for attention from your emptiness you were manipulated to feel. These toxic males are the lowest lifeforms. They prey on weakness, cut your confidence and feed from your past comforts. The cycle will never end for humans and the world is fucked. The educated, well read, artistic humans will never be attractive to you. The fantasy lover you crave, express and wish to date will never happen until your inner self stops deflecting, chasing fuckboys and abusive men. Society is fucked, I understand this completely to the very core of my existence. Uneducated trash will breed and continue the hurt and damage. They will project onto their children this cycle of abusive behavior. While the caring, educated, humans will never breed out of loneliness and observational selves. The “great guys” you want is only bullshit projected self-care or only an idea, a word or concept to build yourself back from a manipulative a*****e that hurt you deeply. A week later expressing your fantasy partner, you miss the drama out of boredom and undulation with a lack of ability to actually follow through. The very abusive partner prevails every time. Completely from loneliness. F**k Humanity.