Your Darkest Fault

 looking at the mirror you perceive

 one who’s deformed by his sins

And knowing that he's always short of the glory

You whisper it's all a mea culpa 

To spite him you conclude

 he does not deserve

Any mercy or grace.

 

All through life you see

 lives  soiled by their mistakes

And full of mercy and pity

you  walk them to the life-giving river

to wash their robes clean again

and continue their voyage

To the well-watered garden.

 

But you do not realize

Your darkest faults can be turned

Into rags of light and 

 washed anew

you too can start again

And stumble towards paradise

Despite of your inequities.

 

 

Author's Note

could not find a suitable title, any suggestions are welcomed. Also, you can suggest ways to make it better, I am new to this.

Reviews

[Relic]

Title is fine. The poem itself has too many commas. kol nidre?
I wouldn't call faults in yourself deformities.

I get what you're saying although the poems seems a tad pretentious with big words that don't need to be there.

"All through the day you see, Many whose robes have been stained by the blood in their hands," I don't recall ever seeing that anywhere. I think you're going for a metaphor but it's too literal.

Overall, I get where you're going and the message is a good one. I guess it could be simplified though. Just my take.

[audacicity]

kol nidre is jewish prayer but i have just noticed i have used the metaphor wrong.
I use the world deformities to imply some sort of permanence
thank you for your review I'll be sure to update it

[Lisasview]

I agree with Relic..
Your poem could use a bit of revising..Too many commas and extra words..
For example, perhaps.... Look at the mirror, see the image...might be a stronger first line...I think you do not need, You or and...
If you did this throughout your poem it would read better.
Searching for metaphors is tricky.. I find that when I sit down to write, my metaphors just happen without any thought to them..
I only say this because I like the essence of your poem and feel that with a little more work it could be wonderful.
Oh yes, and the Title..how about Darkest Faults..
Lisa, now in Spain

[audacicity]

i'll try to edit. thank you for the review

[Lisasview]

You are most welcome,
Lisa

[John the Baptist]

I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, but I wonder how many people would feel so bad about themselves if various religions hadn't convinced them they were worms in the dust.