Denial

Soon after entering the district magistrate courtroom, where she had come  to get marriage license furtively, Sania froze and then almost bolted. The sight of the person sitting next to the judge pulled the rug from under her feet. Large balding head supported by an insubstantial body in a worn out grey suit and tie, was no other than their neighbour, Mr. Jamal.  Her plan to marry discretely seemed jeopardized. Standing between Murad, her husband-to-be, and Ashfaq, Murad’s senior in the provincial education board, Sania whispered in Ashfaq’s ear, 'I am doomed. He is our family friend’. Contrary to her family’s norms she was shrouded in a borrowed burqa(veil) which reduced her muffled utterance to a wailing. Ashfaq asked her to repeat. Murad also drew closer. ‘The person sitting next to the judge knows me’, she said this time partially removing the burqa cloth from her face. Both men looked at the man in a deep conversation with the judge taking time out before the next case and then at the quivering shrouded form beside them. They tried to calm her and told her to take courage from the veil. The judge ceased talking to his guest  (who pulled away his chair and started scanning a newspaper), and cast his stern eyes over them from the raised platform, Sania's braced herself for the toughest moment of her teenage life.

Sania came across Murad while commuting in a double decker bus to  Peshawar University, where she studied literature. The university campus being in the outskirts of the city, the buses  were packed with university students and the university employees. Most of the commuters had to stand in wide aisles, holding the bus roof handholds to steady themselves, in the mornings and in the evenings. There being few cars owned by far few, even the upper middle class people felt at home in double decker buses for local commute. The thousands waited on different bus stops eagerly to undergo a unique experience of tourist style travel.

Murad, a clerk employed in the education board, relished his trip on the bus every day. Hemmed in by university students, he easily passed for one, due to his fresh looks and not out of fashion clothes (He spent sizable portion of his salary in buying clothes to concur with his enviable looks), except that he never held in his hands any book or appendages peculiar to university students.

Enamoured looks, however subtle, boosted his self-pride. He felt fulfilled than fired. It was the pride of being coveted and not the passion to belong which transported him. The university girls’ dainty giggles titillated by his gallant form amounted to be homage paid to his elegant shrine. However briefly, the reverie like interlude abated the bane of his mundane existence. He hated his job but  to be independent (even if partially) of his domineering father was no mean compensation.

Sania'a father was a retired vice air marshal and maintained a luxury car but Sania preferred  thronged bus meandering through city’s historic and cultural landmarks. The upper deck of the bus was more appealing as it instantly transformed the riders into tourists for a not very brief sojourn. She loved the hustle bustle of Qisa Khani bazar, calm grace of Fort Bala Hisar, 18th century architectural serenity of Peshawar Museaum, etc. not to mention normal conversation  between archetype pathans in customary high pitch, occasioning alarm in alien to language newbies’ eyes.

One day, Murad found Sania  looking unabashedly at him through the gap between two standing commuters steadying themselves with roof handholds. The swerving of the bus, while negotiating a bend  threw the commuters closer, smothering the gap. But when the bus straightened, he still felt himself being admired by her unblinking hazel eyes. There was an ingenuous smile on her naive face.  Though he mostly took pride in inducing excitement among fair sex, but this was different. He felt objectified and liked it more. Benign gaze seemed to be addressing the void he had to contend with after his mother’s death. He was rapturous. Alighting from the bus when his stop came was marked with reluctance. Not before long he realized that he had mistaken Sania’s naivety for her nerve. How could he be so thick-skinned? Soon they were talking to each other.

It became impossible for Murad to keep his trysts from Ashfaq. He needed  relaxations for random absences from duty and a confidant. In Ashfaq he found an accomplice in his escapade, who loved the distraction from dull family life. He had long lost interest in his wife after fourth child came along.

Ashfaq had no idea of what he was getting into, after he had been introduced to Sania in the university cafeteria over a cup of tea. He was highly thrilled. He cherished the self assigned role of supporting social iconoclasts. Having watched too many art movies in his youth was not going to go waste. He felt young all over again. To indulge in proxy dalliance like this to compensate for his unrequited love in his early years might have  consequences, he couldn’t divine. Sania more than reconciled with Ahfaq’s involvement in her escapade. So much so that sometimes she waited in Ashfaq's nearby house, chatting with his obliging wife and playing with the children, when Murad couldn't be spared immediately.

Ashfaq would join the duo whenever he could. Sania welcomed it. He was no more than a devil's advocate initially, but later on Sania vividly enthused when he joined them. He always warmed up to Sania's witticism and exhilarating sense of humor, while Murad sat unmoved and left out, fidgeting most of the time  . Ashfaq would laugh merrily again and again and cheered her on. Though she sometimes remonstrated against Murad's remaining preoccupied, she was too enamoured with him to bother. More so when she had an ardent listener in the person of Ashfaq.

After completing paperwork, the judge asked Sania to ascertain her identity. She went near the judge's seat and standing obliquely to Mr Jamal's chair removed her veil. But what she couldn't disguise was her voice. Though she rendered as brief answers as the judge allowed, her chiming utterances forced Mr. Jamal think not very hard before being sure where he had heard the voice. Murad followed the suit and also stepped forward to sign the documents and get a copy of the marriage certificate.

Sania came out of the court brimming with excitement and realized hope of starting a new life with the man ('exquisite creature') of her choice. But her beaming face soon turned ashen when Murad showed his inability to take her home with him presently. He needed some time to cultivate his very difficult father.

 Ashfaq had only just gone to sleep after a challenging day, when harsh doorbell awoke him  with a start. He saw through peephole viewer and went numb to discern Sania standing outside, pressing a small bundle against herself with  both hands. When he opened the door and gaped at the spectral figure in the pale street light, he thought he was seeing things. He came out of suspended animation when Sania told him in  stricken voice that she had left her family to be with Murad. He quickly ushered her in before his neighbors could get ideas. Tete-a-tete with a girl in the dead of the night could pop eyes out. The proximity of the tribal belt (5km), where girls were still stoned to death for amorous digressions, was not reassuring.

The children were gleeful and started whirling around her, when they found Sania among themselves in the morning. She tossed up the youngest child prompting shriek after shriek in the child and  jealous protestations among the other two. Ashfaq let the riot subside before he could remonstrate with her about the outrage. ‘ My parents were mad. Highly contemptuous of what I have done’, she blurted out. ‘I had no option. I apologise for the trouble I have caused. Murad will take me home today, I am his lawful wife’, she added calmly.  Ashfaq sat blank, trying hard not to imagine what could happen to him in a country where the line between elopement and kidnapping disappeared at will. He knew he was undone.

Ashfaq didn’t go to his office and urged Murad also to do the same and come to his house. All three  sat in Ashfaq's drawing room. Sania was beside herself when she found Murad acting as a bystander. All he did was shake his head, first refusing to reconcile with what she had done and then declining to take her home. She stood up and shouted at him. Fury in her eyes  surprised both of them. ‘You are not the man I thought you were. You are an apology of a man!’ Murad’s face turned ugly but he remained as inert, as the cat, lying in narrow sun streak, was and who now refused to be part of the scene getting uglier by minute and walked out nonchalantly.  She kept on daring him, to wrench a response from him until her voice went hoarse. She broke down and fidgeted for a chair extending left arm, while trying in vain to stifle her whining with the other. Sitting on the chair, Ashfaq pushed towards her, she started sobbing uncontrollably. The whistle of the Torkham bound historic train, relic of colonial past, wailed in the distance, moaning in empathy. Murad slunk out of the room.Ashfaq sat blank, trying hard not to imagine what could happen to him in a country where the line between elopement and kidnapping disappeared at will. He knew he was undone.

Next day police  hauled up Murad from  his home and took him to the police station for questioning. He cooperated fully with the police. Soon after, Ashfaq’s house was raided. Sania was not found there. Ashfaq was also arrested for abetment in kidnapping. Both were tried in the court of law. Murad went free in return for agreeing to divorce Sania, but Ashfaq was sentenced to suffer three years  in jail.

When police raided Ashfaq's house, Sania had already left. She melted into a long wedding procession streaming through the street on which  house was situated. Mostly consisting of beaming women and excited children in colourful dresses the throng took her in its fold without much notice.They were carrying gifts for the bride and her family, in a run-up to the wedding next day. She lost herself in festivity in the bride's house. The day and the night flew past singing pushto songs on dholik beat, and sporadic dancing with such abandon that some elderly women couldn’t help having knitted brows. The gathering, mostly consisting of girls, young and old, watched in awe.  None gave so much as a thought to where she came from, except after the bride’s departure with bridegroom , when bride's younger sister found her in childlike sleep on the bride's chaotic and deserted bed.