Silent talking

A Story by Samantha

A little bit of everything yet nothing at all

Have you ever just sat there, silent and blocking out the sounds coming from outside the room you're in. Thinking to yourself like someone with Schizophrenia or paranoia, well the list could go on for a while but I have none of these I have mentioned but I do have manic depressive disorder as well as anxiety, all my teachers at my school say " Oh, you're to young to have depression, the truth is well how people handle it; some can handle things so much easier then others but me well i'm a very sensitive person and I don't think that will change not even the slightest. I hate the fact that they need to know this stuff so they understand if I have to go outside for a moment or stop working for 5 minutes, I do see someone to talk about everything its sad because i've been seeing someone since i was in grade 6 i've gone through 6 people and it's all the same, they have upped my antidepressants and talked to me, get me to tell them everything that I think is important for them to know; don't mind me saying but I'm scared that if i forget or get taken off these pills I wont be around anymore, I am still bad with my emotions and the anxiety but Im also worried they will have to up them more again... I know its my choice to go on them, I just want to be happy again. All I hear now is hay I have this or hay i'm on this, Its not nice to be on these pills and once you're on them there is no turning back unless you get slowly very slowly taken off them; makes you over think you know. Am I going mad quite mad? the slightest or even a little bit? Maybe if I just lay there long enough Ill fall a sleep and not wake up every single hour, I hate waking up every hour its like someone is in the room with me I hate the dark... I get so nervous at night it makes my heart pound and makes my eyes run.