Depersonalization

When you look into yourself and find no one.

Wastebasket woman:

stare into my empty

identity mirror.

A being curling into itself,

mere cigarette ashes falling to the floor.

Call me carcinogen

and breathe in my burning air

infused with toxins

that grow and fester and devastate

from the inside on out.

These tired lungs are filling with fluid,

blood clots in my bubbling speech

leave time stuck in the wrong places.

Pain in my chest,

in my head,

in my hands.

Lips blue

and can’t be heard

when there’s nothing to say.

Just the tsp, tsp, tsp

of a plasmatic pulse

in air-filled arms drifting

detached

at the side

of this body I do not own.

Inhale tangy smoke

to cloud the dysfunction.

I am no one.

No self.

No existence.

Author's Note

Depersonalization disorder:
Feeling detached from one's own thoughts, body, or emotions, feeling as though one is in a dream, not feeling in control of one's speech or physical movements, out of body experiences, lack of identity, feeling as though time is "passing by" and one is not in the present.

It's a scary way to live.

Reviews

[alesuriko]

That was amazingly done. The first stanza is definitely much better arranged than the second stanza, but the second stanza almost seems to be detached itself, emphasizing the disorder that you're writing about. The only thing I really didn't like was the flow with "at the side of this / body I do not own." It just seemed off to have the break between "this" and "body", I think it would flow better with "at the side / of this body I do not own." But it's all up to you, merely a suggestion.

I really loved this piece. So well written, grim and expressive. Well done.

[sara]

Loss of control. Well done with this, really. I can relate to this quite deeply and it is a frightening way to live... and feels impossible to explain to others. But you put it perfectly. I'm 16 as well, if you ever want to message me, feel free. You're very talented. Have a nice day :-)

[ByTheWay]

here's the thing...i'm stoned as s**t right now as well and i wanted to come on here, read something, then give it a brief review to be polite but i can't because...this goes a lot deeper than a deep review. i'm completely incapable of telling you how i feel about it at the moment...all i can say is...


yes. brilliant.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I don't know much bout this disorder but the poem certainly makes an impact in describing the loss of control... very creative way of doing so. A metaphorical gem of a poem.

[Zombeh]

Wow, that was powerful, and what a way to describe this. Really well thought out and they way you wrote the poem was great.

[ashley]

Incredible. Powerfully written.
"detached
at the side
of this body I do not own"
I know this well, and I'm sorry that you do, too. I hope that you are okay.

[MarcZw]

Join the club!

[alesuriko]

Very nice, the change is good. I also forgot to mention before that I adore the line "Just the tsp, tsp, tsp" it's a very appropriate use of onomatopoeia that really emphasizes the tone of the poem. The tone is what I especially love about the poem. Again, this was so well done and really captured the essence of the disorder you were embodying.

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem description told of terrible feeling to have and to live with in a life. I never heard of it before. I believe we all find our self wondering why we are alive and what is our purpose. A powerful poem.
Coyote

[Miss Coral]

Incredible. Great imagery, though the flow was a bit off for me. I especially love the first stanza.

Nice job.