Dream, not to achieve

Dream, not to achieve 

But just to believe

In the greatness assigned

Meant to be transcribed

From your encoded mind

 

Slip, fall from the edge

Leap don't jump

Up above your downs

Clown till you face

The reality of it all

 

You, were destined

Meant for the prodigy

Being without breath

Just shows the depth

Of your ocean

Crowded with vagary

Reviews

[Rita L. Sev]

Dream, not to achieve
But just to believe

This is a great concept - there is much value in the dream itself. Even if we fall short of the goal, the desire, the effort, these are reasons to go on.

[lMarling]

Try to follow a pattern throughout, it strengthens the poem.

For example, the first line of the first two stanzas have a certain sentence structure. One word, then a comma/pause, then the rest. They go together, making the third opening line would improve the flow.

Its one style, I like a bit of repetition especially in my longer poems. Could be a repetition of words, or structure like in this poem.

[Pollai]

I noticed that from your writings. That's a good point, I wasn't thinking that at the time of writing. Thanks for the review :)

[Gerald Parker]

Sorry, Pollai, I do not know why you have asked me to review your poetry. I am an image man and find it difficult to warm to abstractions. Send me an unrhymed poem full of imagery. Try to include some use of metaphor.

[Pollai]

I appreciate your feedback. I am still rather amateur, and very occasional with writing. I will definitely try and expand my capabilities. Thanks!

[gombeggar]

very nice bit...i like yer using 'vagary'...'clown till yer face' needs work...but all in all very good

[Pollai]

Thank you for the critique, I appreciate it and only hope to improve over time.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Wow the first line and second line hit me. I believe in this piece. Love this brilliant work. thanks for sharing.

[Inda]

The last two lines make this fantastic! Great write!

[Pollai]

Thank you :)