Artificial Light

we were standing at the battlements

casually surveying the nightwashed

lights and terrace-topped bars

of our city

 

cobbles burst

wetting tourists’ feet

clinging to the silence of the lights

 

blotting out the night as the rain

bounced and ballooned

 

and then we were flying

above the wet stone steps back

to the noise

 

smouldering cigars absinthe

wishful decadent curiosity

playing at hedonism

when the word has no meaning

Author's Note

Any thoughts appreciated. Thanks for reading.

Reviews

[Narnie]

Love the 4,3,2,3,4 structure. I wonder how it would look without any punctuation? And all the capitals made small. I know, I know, but I just think it would add to the quietness of the poem, which is brilliant. The 'casually surveying' really sounds languid and sets the sleepy tone. I would also change the 'that blotted' into blotting because the flow and sway of the poem is so gorgeous as it goes into that pirouette in the middle that it's almost a shame to put the hard 't' right at the beginning. Damn, wittering on, I love this Craig. I love that I'm reading your poetry again!

[zogzog]

"playing at hedonism
when the word has no meaning."

i like it....

[Ruth]

Awesome inagery here friend! Indepth, thought provoking piece xx

[Stammers]

'Cobbles burst
wetting tourists’ feet
clinging to the silence of the lights'

This is stunning, like a professional poet, you give plenty for the mind to splatter onto canvas, really well expressed, it was young, free, shadowed and beautiful.

[Jon]

nice piece, good visuals. And we were flying, above the wet stone". Real easy to put yourself at that wet, stone covered street, good job:D

[deeps]

I like this write alot expecially your last stanza.
This is wonderful. Very well written.

[segrk th,zey]

nice wording. really neat poem.

[Charles]

I do like this version better - absent the couple of incongruities I think the flow and language is better. Of course, that's only my opinion. Glad you thought enough of what i said to make the changes. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

[Charles]

I guess artificial light could 'make silence' - why not? I like to read poems aloud and in doing so keep stumbling on 'languorously surveying' almost a tongue twister that disrupts the flow. I don't understand 'we took the slack' though I like the idea of bouncing and ballooning in the rain. Then, I'm trying to figure out where you 'stand' in relation to the noise (since you're going back to it) and the noise itself, where is it since the light is silent? Good last stanza.